Rick Perry Calls For California To Move To Texas

Turn around, Jed!!
Governor Rick Perry, apparently abandoning his idea of seceding from the U.S., has another plan -- if you can't take the Texas out of America, you can bring the America into Texas.

Or something like that. Perrryesque logic can be tough to decipher sometimes.

Perry's office has announced it's purchasing radio airtime in five California markets urging business to get the hell out of that pansy-ass state and come to place that's going balls to the wall giving tax breaks to bidnessmen. Namely, Texas.

The ads are paid for by Texas One, "a public-private partnership that markets Texas nationally and internationally as a prime business destination." They'll run for a week on six stations in San Francisco, Sacramento, Los Angeles, Inland Empire and San Diego.

The message?

Building a business is tough, but I hear building a business in California is next to impossible. This is Texas Gov. Rick Perry, and I have a message for California businesses: come check out Texas. There are plenty of reasons Texas has been named the best state for doing business for eight years running. Visit texaswideopenforbusiness.com, and see why our low taxes, sensible regulations and fair legal system are just the thing to get your business moving to Texas.

"Fair legal system"? We guess Texas doesn't need any more of that "tort reform" Perry's always going on about. (And yes, our governor gets full points for naming three reasons to move to Texas without a single "oops," but we don't know how many takes it took to record the ad.)

The ad copy can only be improved by hearing it delivered in the dulcet tones of our favorite governor, so here's the actual ad.

We also think it'd be better if it started off with something like "Those liberals in Washington would have you believe 'Californy is the place you oughta be'....."

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California should export some crappy Fox/CW teen dramady to Texas. A butch yet vulnerable teen heartthrob finds himself an orphan after his single father (mom died of cancer) dies in a refinery explosion. He moves from Humble to River Oaks or Memorial to live with his wealthy cousins. Mom is his aunt, dad is a lawyer (Jewish, for extra potential plot points) who is thinking about leaving lucrative corporate law for something more meaningful. They have two kids: Hot daughter and nerdy yet quick witted son. How will this aspirational and idealistic family handle the close-minded and superficial society of high-class life? How will the kids handle teen romance? Find out next week on "Houston." Soundtrack features local bands.


I had the misfortune to grow up in Texas and could not wait to get out. Nobody with any intelligence and sophistication would move to such a backward place, a state with the highest percentage of people without health insurance, with terrible environmental pollution, with bad schools, and with one of the worst climates in the country. Plus the place is full of rednecks, hillbillies, gun nuts, and religious bigots. I just wish we could get them to secede from the Union.


@rkirchem Now that's a progressive, can-do attitude. When the going gets tough, give up.

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