Fan Fighting League! FFL Pro Bowl Brawl (w/ VIDEO)

Categories: Game Time, Sports

alifrCROPazier012813.jpg
These guys got nothing to worry about.
I would guess that most fan fights at stadiums are fueled by three things: 1. Alcohol, 2. The undying, overzealous love of a fan for his team, and 3. Some modicum of disrespect. And in that order. Point being, to some degree, most fights probably have something to do with each participant's love for his or her team.

So it takes a special kind of asshole to get into a fight at a meaningless All-Star exhibition game, which makes the latest submission in my Fan Fighting League (FFL for short) so very funny, and yet disheartening in that these people actually exist.

Let's roll the footage....you are looking live at Sunday's AFC-NFC Pro Bowl in Honolulu...

All right, time for a very enjoyable Zapruder...

0:01 -- This starts off with a somewhat blurry, artsy, lopsided angle, almost as if the cameraman is conveying that the whole thing was a dream, or perhaps a suppressed memory from a past Pro Bowl in his mind.

0:08 -- As the cameraman gains focus of his recording device, we see what I would imagine is the usual cast of Pro Bowl characters -- a bunch of random, uninterested fans, including one with an orange dinosaur lid of some sort and a Maurkice Pouncey jersey wearer with a Pittsburgh Steeler hard hat. (NOTE: On the "Honey, have you seen my..." scale, asking your wife or girlfriend if they've seen your bright yellow Steelers construction helmet while packing for Hawaii is at least a 9.23 out of 10. Easily.)

0:12 -- We have a dude in a green hoodie getting helped up the steps by an ample-bottomed female in some sort of fedora (she is NOT pulling off whatever look she's going for) and another female with long dark hair wearing a baseball cap, who may or may not be cute. She's buried under too many clothes to be able to tell (which may be your answer, right there). These folks all appear to be leaving the stadium. HINT: They won't.

0:23 -- Now if you watch closely, you'll see Green Hoodie, Ample Butt and Ball Cap Girl are actually accompanied by a dude in a gray hoodie and a chick who also appears to have cuteness potential in a yellow, shoulderless top. They, however, don't head up the stairs. They decide to go down the stairs, past an unsuspecting Tebow jersey wearer, where the action is. What action? Well....

0:26 -- At the bottom of the aisle, say hello to Crazy Dre. He is presumably a fan of Andre Johnson, and he has a major issue with some other patron wearing a black T-shirt. Enough of an issue to....

0:30 -- ....BEGIN BEATING THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM. Oh my God, poor Black T-Shirt is just getting pummeled. Crazy Dre is raining two fists of fury onto the base of Black T-Shirt's skull with the white hot intensity of...well, ANDRE JOHNSON....

True story, a good buddy of mine named Ian was actually at the Pro Bowl in the section where this donnybrook was unfolding and he was sitting next to Andre Johnson's mom, who upon seeing that the central figure in this whole thing was sporting a Dre number 80 jersey said something to the effect of, "That guy must've watched Andre go upside Finnegan's head." Indeed, he must've.

0:32 -- Crazy Dre is quickly joined by a guy in a red T-shirt who appears to be a dear friend; we will call him "Jacoby." Jacoby and Crazy Dre are swinging on Black T-Shirt, when Gray Hoodie decides to even the odds, and does a horrific job. Black T-Shirt would have been better off asking one of the old ladies seated to the left of this debacle to be his tag team partner. Seriously, Gray Hoodie fights with the grace and ferocity of Screech from Saved By The Bell. However, there's no need to fear....



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3 comments
jaberboss4
jaberboss4

That commentary was hilarious. "Crazy Dre", "Jacoby" and I were cracking up. Section M row 1 was definitely not the right place for belligerent drunks to mouth off and harass people

mwilliams18
mwilliams18

I'm not sure which is more unbelievable...that a melee like this broke out at the pro bowl...or that it is 2013 and someone is wearing an Aaron Brooks jersey.

crapsandviche
crapsandviche

Come on Sean, Stadium brawl has to be on your bucket list.

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