Okay, Who's Been Slipping Bible Tracts into Our Papers?
We were surprised to find out today that, when He's in Houston, Jesus Christ utilizes the Oak Forest Post Office for all his mailing needs -- or at least one of His disciples does. Some evangelical person, worried about how this week's Houston Press cover story on athiesm would affect readers' mortal souls, inserted a slip of paper with Bible verses into nearly 50 copies of the paper in two boxes outside that post office.
"And, lo, the Brothers Doobie sayeth unto the Philistines, 'Jesus is just alright with me. Jesus is just alright, oh yeah."
"GOD LOVES YOU," it reads in part. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life [sic]."
We asked a postal employee if she or any other employees noticed anyone lurking about the boxes -- someone possibly wearing a flowing white robe and flip-flops, and perhaps levitating -- but she said no one noticed anyone unusual.
This is the first time in memory that someone has felt compelled to slip a note inside the paper, and on one hand, we're kind of flattered that someone took the time to do so. On the other hand, it's rather obnoxious.
We've asked local law enforcement to dust for prints and search for trace DNA evidence, but we're not too optimistic. For one thing, The Messiah's prints might not even be on file. In the meantime, we'll read up on the instructions for "HOW TO BECOME A GOOD CHRISTIAN." (Hint: "attend a good bible believing church [sic].") And then we'll grab a beer.