App of the Week: Facebook Poke, the Dumbest App You'll Ever Own

App: Facebook Poke
Platform: Most smartphones
Website: Download Site
Cost: Free

The first thing you might ask yourself when you read that Facebook has an app called "Poke" is, "Do people still poke each other on Facebook?"

It reminds me of a very funny song by Australian singer/songwriter Kate Miller-Heidke.

I don't want to know
What kind of cocktail you are,
Or which member of the Beatles
Or which 1950's movie star
I don't give a toss
If you're a ninja or a pirate
I suspect you'd be a pirate,
But I don't want to verify it
And I don't give a shit
What your stripper name is
Or if your kitty had a litter
Look, just follow me on Twitter,
I don't care about your family tree
And I certainly don't want you porking me! (again)

As you might imagine, this app helps you manage your pokes. You can send pokes with photos and videos (God help us) and even set a timer on it so it doesn't sit on your friend's poke notification wall forever.

Look, poking is cute if you are trying to be flirty, but it jumped the shark about ten minutes after Facebook was invented. No one needs an entire app to manage their poking activities, and if they do, my suggestion would be seeking help from a therapist or priest.

This continues with the whole "Hey, we're Facebook and we're so complicated, we need to break up usage of our platform into like 100 apps, most of which you'll never use." This would include the main Facebook app, Facebook Pages Manager, Facebook Camera and Facebook Messenger, because why have one great app when you can have like ten mediocre ones.

The Verdict

Save the poking for the privacy of your own home. As Miller-Heidke says at the end of her, ignore.

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