2012: The Year in Zapruder, a Recap of My Detailed Video Recaps
I'm not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the line in 2012, the Zapruder-style analysis of viral videos became my thing.
Like this but with more mayhem...and some sports.
Much like you'd go to Clay Travis on SEC football or to Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback for the weekend that was in the NFL, when you the reader needed hardcore detailed analysis of a naked redneck on meth interrupting a high school football game, I became your guy.
And I love you for that.
I love you so much that I want you to have all of my Zapruder analyses from 2012 in one convenient nook of the internet. So without further ado, I give you the Year in Zapruder 2012!
1/13/12: Drunken Wade Boggs Channels Garth Brooks
You've heard the legendary drinking stories of the Hall of Fame hitter (and hair plug pitch man), now witness the launch of his short lived bar lounge singing career!
1/18/12: The Original Alabama Teabagger Video
The video that nearly broke the internet, and changed the lives of those involved -- the victim, an LSU student from Missouri City (Houston, represent!), and the assailant (is that the right word?), Brian Downing, a father of one who will now someday have to explain to his son about the time "daddy went away" for placing his balls on an unconscious guy's face.
2/24/12: Lamar Head Basketball Coach Pat Knight's Maniacal Rant
In the "apple doesn't fall far from the tree" category, Lamar head coach Pat Knight destroyed his seniors, calling them every name in the book after a game in February. Amazingly, a week later, they secured the Southland Conference's automatic bid to the NCAA tournament. Maybe Gary Kubiak should call Matt Schaub a dickhead in his next press conference.
3/27/12: Most Hideous Cinnamon Challenge Ever
70-something aged women should never do the cinnamon challenge, but if they do, I'm glad they're filming it.
4/30/12: Yankee Fan Mulekicks Drunk Red Sox Fan
The precursor to the creation of the Fan Fighting League, this Red Sox fan absorbs a mule kick that would make Shawn Michaels proud, and goes for a tumble that would make Mick Foley blush.
5/11/12: Hockey Announcer Comapres Players to 9/11 First Responders
Announcers completely bereft of self-awareness. GOOD Zapruder fodder.
5/24/12: Tracy MCGrady's Chinese Beer Commercial
I didn't even know Tracy McGrady drank beer! Always seemed like more of a Smirnoff Ice guy to me.
5/25/12: Hammered Heat Fan Strips
LeBron James finally won an NBA title. This particular Heat fan could not have been happier for him!
5/30/12: Spurs and Thunder Fans Brawl
These fans on the other hand....not quite as happy.
6/6/12: Mets Fan Celebrates No Hitter
Of all the videos I analyzed this year, for whatever reason, this one made me laugh out loud the hardest. It seriously looks like a scene from some crappy 90's comedy, possibly starring David Arquette, where Arquette dares his buddy to run on the field and celebrate a no hitter with his beloved Mets. Only it really happened!
6/28/12: Kwame Brown's Draft Night
This one is for everyone who says that teams should try to tank and get the number one pick. Be careful what you wish for. Oh, also Kwame Brown is still in the league and has made like $60 million. So there's that.
7/20/12: Bibi Jones Farewell To Porn
Saying good bye to a legend is never easy. Especially when the legend is...well...easy. REALLY easy. The easiest. She is in porn. Oh, sorry...WAS in porn. Right.
7/26/12: 1993 ESPN2 Sportsnight Footage
Keith Olbermann in a leather jacket? Suzy Kolber with 90's hair? Awkward banter? Barry Bonds and Lenny Dykstra battling for the 1993 MVP? You need to see this.
7/31/12: Worst National Anthem Ever
Should I make fun of an 8 year old singing the national anthem? Well, when she is as annoying and horrific as this girl, then yes. Yes I should.