Zapruder Video Analysis Of Drunk, Racist Aggie Fan Starting A Fight In An Airport
0:10 -- The ticket agent behind the counter, anticipating what's about to go down, quickly sprints down the hallway to either (a) go get a security guard to Segway his fat ass over to this gate and stop the fight or (b) go get a referee so that these two can duke it out "hardcore rules" style. Whatever the case, ticket agent guy better hurry his ass up because....
0:11 -- IT'S ON! The Truth takes a swing at DAR and DAR doesn't so much duck the blow as he more kind of falls on his ass from his docksider shoes gripping the airport floor like it's covered in a sheet of Crisco.
0:15 -- With DAR barely equipped to deal with gravity at this point, much less an angry African American man whom he just called the n-word, The Truth gets in his one good shot, a swift right foot to DAR's face. Oddly enough, the kick to the face seemed to have the opposite effect on DAR as intended. The kick seemed to actually restore DAR's equilibrium and may have even added 10 points to his IQ (raising it barely above the Forrest Gump line on the intelligence chart).
0:19 -- DAR regains his balance and begins randomly bobbing and weaving, never a good sign when your strategy for dodging punches is some form of trial and error.
0:22 -- A couple of regular citizens step in between the fighters, which sadly eliminated the virtual certainty that The Truth would have left DAR in a puddle of his own blood with his face looking like it had been bludgeoned by a meat hammer. It also still leaves open the possibility that DAR will someday reproduce, provided he can find a woman who is blind, deaf, and a card carrying member of the Aryan Nations.
0:28 -- DAR tries to stumble back over to Truth for his "Thank you, sir, may I have another moment" but is cut off by one of the two samaritans. Appropriately, the peace maker cutting DAR off and saving him from an almost certain hospital visit looks like a miniature version of Taggart from Beverly Hills Cop.
0:46 -- The "authorities" (which in this case consists of a single airport security guard whose Cinnabon break was just rudely interrupted) arrive and DAR immediately begins a voluntary perp walk by placing his hands behind his back for handcuffs without even being asked. Clearly, DAR is no stranger to this process.
0:58 -- Production fail! The cameraman rotates coverage away from DAR, whose apprehension at this point consists of a stern "talkin' to" from a mall cop whose breath smells like a cross between vanilla frosting and iced coffee. After seven ironic seconds of disparaging the security guard for not doing his job, the cameraman finally regains focus and starts doing his again. Damn, cameraman. Focus.
1:07 -- I try to watch the exchange between Paul Blart, Airport Cop and DAR, but I'm distracted by the blue flashing lights on the front of the guard's Segway machine, which are nicer and more pronounced than lights on half the cop cars in Houston.
1:22 -- The video ends with the situation diffused, and unfortunately it ends with DAR still possessing all of his teeth, or at least the same number as he had before he picked a fight with The Truth.
After this video began making the Twitter rounds, pretty much every Aggie I follow or who follows me immediately (and correctly) denounced DAR for the piece of shit that he is. Many wanted to seek out the man who was the target of the slurs, invite him to the Missouri game, and show him that this guy was in no way a representative of A&M.
Additionally, I had a few Aggies send me links to some corners of the internet which outted the guy by name and even contained a link to an article about a fight the alleged racist ass clown got into in New Hampshire where he was arrested for pulling a knife. This loser getting into a knife pulling incident would explain two important things about this video:
1. DAR's ridiculously poor hand to hand combat techniques. No knife for DAR was clearly a big problem.
2. DAR's immediate default to the "cuff me, officer" pose. Like I said, dude had been in this spot before.
It still doesn't explain his jeans. Nothing will ever explain those jeans.
Anyway, Aggies, just know that we don't hold this guy against you. Every family has a deranged cousin that they which had never been born. This guy is your deranged cousin.
My only question is "What would this guy say to Kevin Sumlin if he met him in person?"
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.