Some Real World Techie Advice for Petraeus, His Wife, His Mistress and Cheaters in General

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I'm no Dear Abby (she's shorter than me), but reading the sordid details of the David Petraeus affair and how the whole thing blew up in his face causing him to resign from the CIA helped to confirm the fact that way too many people do not understand technology and need some help. Oh, sure, my first thought was something similar to when Jim Carrey's character in the movie Liar Liar was forced to tell the truth to a client who was arrested yet again, "Stop breaking the law, asshole!" But, given what amounted to "Bitch, step off my man" e-mails were what blew the story wide open, that tells me you guys (and, especially, gals) need a little help.

Of course, the cat is already WAY out of the bag on this one, but, you know, future reference.


To David Petraeus

Where do I even begin? Obviously, your first mistake was having an affair, but what is more important to me is how you handled it. Right now, my question to you is, why did you think it was a good idea to e-mail your mistress about ANYTHING not related to work? Seriously, dude, you were the freaking head of the CIA! Don't they have a guide on e-mail security there? Didn't your IT guy warn you not to accept offers from Nigerian princes, buy herbal Viagra and, you know, DISCUSS YOUR AFFAIR online?

You may have read that the guy who founded McAfee is wanted for murder and may be addicted to bath salts, but don't try and blame it on him and his software or on a computer virus or hackers or something stupid like that. You look bad enough to the world at large, don't turn the nerds against you. You think the wrath of three women is bad, try Anonymous. After all, it looks like hackers were the ones that found the e-mails that got you busted!

My advice to you: stay off the Internet. Don't text. Don't e-mail. For God sake, don't Facebook. Save yourself.


To Paula Broadwell

Wow, did you ever step in it. It's bad enough you, a married woman, had an affair with a married man, but what transpired next should qualify you for Crazy Girlfriend of the Year.

Did you honestly believe some dummy Gmail accounts would keep you from getting caught, particularly when they involved the director of the Central Intelligence Agency? Maybe you are unclear how stuff like this works. Maybe you still use Internet Explorer and own an AOL account. But, as a writer and someone in the public eye, you must know that hackers dig things up all the time. I bet you even used a sad face emoticon. C'mon, Paula! Nevermind that the e-mails you sent were basically the rantings of a jealous 16-year-old. The fact that you thought you would stay anonymous is just, well, :( .

My advice to you: From now on, if you want to deliver a bitchy message to a romantic rival, go analog and do it in person. It might turn into a cat fight. Rawr.



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4 comments
Occupy Food
Occupy Food

Yea it is. The CIA runs it. Just look what Dalton McGuinty said at the Google opening today. He is being exposed by his own for other reasons. Connect the dots. Where is Hilary again? Who is testifying for the Libya incident?

djoelaw
djoelaw

Jeff, I have to disagree with the advice to Paula Broadwell. (See Nowak, Lisa.) What is it about these cheating academy graduates that makes them so jealous of other women?

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