Gobble, Gobble: Presenting Your 2012 Turkeys of the Year

Categories: Longform

Finally, the Turkeys are here! We're so excited, we thought we'd share this classic poem to honor the occasion.

'Twas the day before Thanksgiving, when all through the state
Not a dumbass was hiding, their presence was great
Their feathers were preened by oil with care
In hopes that they'd be called the Turkey of the Year

All the public was eager to see who had won --
With visions of Rick Perry's disastrous presidential run
But the Gov, with his corn dog, and his campaign muck-up
Weren't enough to bring his luck up

But out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter
A Council of Turkeys with no brain matter
Separate parts, yet all included
Connecting together, like a Voltron of Stupid

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
(He said breast, just so you know)
When what to our wondering eyes should appear
But a vandalizing d-bag who needs a kick in the rear

And a district attorney, so disappointing in honor
We smelled the stink of the Turkey upon her
And a titty-shaking writer
Twirling 'round a pole right beside her

We could not believe it, could it lo be real
As the fowl crowd crammed the Turkeymobile
But we heard them warble, as they sputtered out of sight
"Gobble, gobble to all, and to all a good afternoon!"

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