Texans-Jets Monday Night Football: A Preview Wrapped in a Drinking Game
Tonight the Texans begin a stretch where over the next ten weeks they will play five games on national television with the stage all to themselves -- tonight against the Jets, next Sunday hosting the Packers, November 11 in Chicago, Thanksgiving Day against the Lions and December 11 in New England.
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Sunday afternoon games are certainly fun, but primetime games are where legends are made, particularly Monday night games. And no, I'm not talking about the players, I'm talking about the drinkers.
Think about it -- anybody can "day drink" a Sunday away, sleep it off and work functionally at their job the next day. But it takes an alcoholic super trooper to obliterate his (or her) liver on a Monday night and answer the bell on a Tuesday.
To that end, to the diehard imbibers, I give you a special Monday Night Football game card for Battle-Drink, the Texans BINGO drinking game!
Before we all use the Battle-Drink game card to ruin our brain-cell count, let's use it as the platform to preview the game tonight. How do we think this baby goes down?
B1: Shots of Tim Tebow on the sideline.
The networks love them some Tebow, particularly ESPN. In fact, ESPN loves Tim Tebow so much, Doug Gottlieb (former ESPN radio host, now CBS radio host) said that when he was with ESPN, he was specifically instructed to talk about Tebow as much as possible. And unfortunately for your liver, ESPN is carrying this game. Expected intake: 11 sips
B2: Houston Texans first downs.
The Texans have 86 first downs on the season (14th in the league). The Jets have allowed 90 (23rd in the league). This is simple math. Expected intake: 40 sips (20 first downs).
B3: Shot of Eva Longoria in the stands.
Perhaps you've heard, Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is dating actress Eva Longoria, proving the age-old adage that much like musicians not even needing to be attractive in order to get some tail, quarterbacks needn't be talented. I don't even know if Longoria will be at the game, but let's assume she will be. Expected intake: 3 sips (1 Longoria sighting).
B4: Gruden says "awesome."
Jon Gruden thinks football is awesome. And I mean everything about football. Hell, Gruden even thinks that Cam Newton's complete inability to recall one audible during his year at Auburn is awesome:
I'm not sure awesome Monday's game will be, but rest assured, Gruden will find something, several things, awesome about it. Expected intake: 30 sips (10 "awesomes").
B5: Connor Barwin sacks.
As well as the Texans defense has played this season, one thing that Gary Kubiak has had to address at the last two Monday press conferences has been the mysterious absence of big plays (or any plays, really) from linebacker Connor Barwin. Kubiak insists Barwin is playing well, and the sacks will come. Monday, Kubiak will be right. Expected intake: 5 sips (1 sack).