Alabama Teabagger's Trial Begins In Louisiana Today: What To Look For

Categories: Game Time, Sports

The only teabag you want to envision
On the night of January 9, 2012, the city of New Orleans saw Alabama commit one of the most heinous assaults in the city's history on the LSU Tigers. And no, I'm not talking about the University of Alabama's 21-0 whitewashing of Les Miles' completely overmatched bunch of Tigers in the Superdome that night.

I'm talking about the now infamous case of the Alabama Teabagger. In a hideous incident where crime imitated sport, and metaphor came to life before our very YouTube eyes, Alabama resident and Crimson Tide fan Brian Downing (presumably inebriated) decided to rub his genitals on the face of an unnamed, unconscious (and presumably twice as inebriated as Downing) LSU fan passed out at the Krystal Burger in the French Quarter.

Well, it being 2012 and all, the incident wound up on YouTube (video coming in a few more words), Brian Downing wound up arrested, and his trial begins on Tuesday.

Since this is frankly the SEC story that I've followed most closely this past calendar year (other than Bobby Petrino's fascinating affair and subsequent termination at Arkansas, a topic which I've written no fewer than 20,000 words about since April 1), I feel compelled to bring all of you up to speed on the players involved and what exactly is at stake here.

It's got drama, it's got intrigue, and a cloud of revenge hanging over the whole thing. It's the case of the Alabama Teabagger!

THE CRIME: Here is the video in question. To save you some time (unless you're into watching people cover inanimate objects with garbage), fast-forward to about 3:30 for the part of the video that has given us this court case.

DEFENDANT: Brian Downing. Downing is a 33-year-old married father of a one-year-old boy, hailing from Smiths Station, Alabama. He had been working for a sporting goods chain prior to the incident, but was immediately terminated from his position when the video above went viral.

PLAINTIFF: Some poor, unnamed dude who had to wake up with Downing's ball sweat on his face. We will call him Jean Deaux (Cajun for "John Doe") for purposes of this post. In May, Deaux filed a civil lawsuit against Downing, The Krystal Company and Big Easy Enterprises for their failure to stop the alleged assault or call law enforcement.

The suit claims "mental anguish, humiliation, embarrassment, anxiety and depression." I'm sure everyone looking to get out of debt or pay for their kids' college education will have a close eye on what an appropriate settlement amount is for an incident like this, and then ask themselves "Hmmmm, is that amount worth it to have someone rub their nuts on my face?" before making themselves into a "lawsuit bear trap" of sorts by chugging a fifth of whiskey and passing out face down at the Krystal Burger,

TRIAL LOCATION: As home field advantages in rematches go, the actual Crimson Tide football team having to travel to Baton Rouge on November 3 to face the LSU Tigers has nothing on the situation in which Downing finds himself.

Downing's trial will take place in Orleans Parish. There will be a jury of six Louisiana residents who will profess to have no allegiance to LSU football, which is a little like going to the Democratic Convention and finding six people with no allegiance to Obama. On top of that, veteran prosecutor George Hesni, who is trying the case against Downing, is known around his office as a diehard LSU fan. Downing's best strategy may be to call in Nick Saban and have him try to scare the piss out of the jury and prosecution.

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@SeanCablinasian Law and Order - Special Victimized Fans Unit.


@SeanCablinasian Très bien Seannie! Can't believe "Jean Deaux "would do that at 33, 23 maybe...

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