20 Reasons to Buy 2013 Astros Season Tickets (No, Really)

Categories: Sports

Astros Logo.jpg
You won't have this logo to kick around much longer.
You've probably forgotten about baseball by now. The Astros season ended a long time ago, and unless you live in St. Louis or New York, the odds are that nobody really gives a damn about the Cardinals and Yankees. It might be nice if the Detroit Tigers make the World Series if Kate Upton shows up to cheer on Justin Verlander, though.

But the Astros are planning for the 2013 season. New manager Bo Porter is finally on the job, thanks to the Nationals choking away a series to the Cardinals, and he's assembling his coaching staff. The Astros will unveil the new logo, colors and uniforms early next month. And Jeff Luhnow and his staff are busy looking for some low-cost free agents to bring in and to help out next season.

If this past season is any indication, though, nobody really gives a damn about the Astros -- unless it involves broadcasters or hideous billboards or mascots. So I thought I would try to help out Jim Crane and the business folks and pitch them a few advertising slogans along with a few proposals to entice fans to buy ticket buyers. So...

20. Astros seasons tickets: the perfect Christmas gift for that relative you really, really hate.

19. Jose Altuve and eight other guys.

18. The first 100 people to buy season tickets get their names displayed on that left field erector-set billboard.

17. We see dead people.

16. Do you know absolutely nothing about baseball? Then you're the perfect fan for us because our social media staff knows absolutely nothing about the game, either.

15. That's okay, we can't tell the difference between J.D. Martinez and Fernando Martinez either.

14. Hey, did you miss Albert Pujols destroying Astros pitching this past season? Don't worry, he's back this season, leading the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California, United States of America, North America, Western Hemisphere, Planet Earth.

13. How would you like to be the team's Designated Hitter? Well, guess what. If you buy an outfield seat to any Tuesday game, then you'll be the DH for that game.

Location Info


Minute Maid Park

501 Crawford, Houston, TX

Category: General

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@Love_My_Astros my sides reaches motherfucking orbit!


@Love_My_Astros "That's okay, we can't tell the difference between J.D. Martinez and Fernando Martinez either."


@AmazingGreis - Definitely agree with you on this.


@vanhall @HoustonPress @deannimals I like #15 haha


@Love_My_Astros I laughed so hard!

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