NFL Week 1: Schaub Gets Rich(er), Buffalo Gets Poor(er) -- 4 Winners, 4 Losers
3. Rookie quarterbacks and first-time starters not named RG3
Andrew Luck was 23 of 45 with three interceptions in a 41-21 loss to the Bears. Ryan Tannehill was 20 of 36 with three picks (and several balls bounced off various body parts of J.J. Watt) in a 30-10 loss to the Texans. Jake Locker skippered a 21-point loss to the Patriots at home. And then there was the Rembrandt of putrid, dogshit performances....
2. Brandon Weeden (when people get near him)
Conjecture before the draft was that Brandon Weeden's age would be the main detractor for teams looking to find reasons not to draft him. (He's 28 years old after getting a late start on football after a brief minor league baseball career.) As it turns out, they should have just turned on tape of the Iowa State game last season.
In Oklahoma State's sole loss of 2011, Weeden was chased and pressured all night long for one of the only times in his career, prompting one of the announcers on the telecast to say that throwing really becomes a problem for Brandon Weeden if "people get near him and he has to move." You'd think THAT might scare NFL teams off, but it didn't scare Cleveland.
Well, as it turns out, quarterbacks in the NFL wind up having to throw quite often with other human beings near them, and unfortunately for the Browns, Weeden's reaction to pressure in the pocket makes Raymond Babbitt's reaction to air travel look rational and composed by comparison. Weeden's four picks were the difference in a 17-16 loss to the Eagles.
Buffalo Bills fan, I don't know if you could hear it, nestled all the way up there in upstate New York, but when you were touting yourselves as being relevant once again because of your signing Mario Williams, we in Houston were all laughing at you.
National pundits, those of you who picked the Bills as your "dark horse, sneaky, sleeperific sleeper team" because the Bills defense would improve with Williams's "transcendent pass rushing skills" (I'm paraphrasing your words, pundits), we laughed at you, too. Guffawed, even snorted a little bit.
Because Mario Williams has never, ever, ever made a play that mattered in a game that mattered. Your season is now 60 minutes old, Bills fan -- a 48-28 loss to the New York Jets, a Jets team that couldn't score a touchdown in the preseason if you set up cones as the eleven defenders. Mario Williams had one tackle. ONE TACKLE.
You signed him to a six-year, $96 million deal, Buffalo. That is one expensive tackle.
Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.
Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.