Let Science (And Your Days-Old Clothes) Help You Get Laid!

Categories: Whatever

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The Houston Social Source is planning a party for Bayou City singles like none other you have ever heard or smelled of before. HSS, formerly the Houston Single Source, is planning the city's first ever (to my knowledge) Pheromone Party on Friday, October 5, at Midtown haunt Nouveau Antique Art Bar.

What's a pheromone party, you ask?

If you took high school biology or have ever seen a Pepé Le Pew cartoon, you know that pheromones are the invisible signals that your natural, gawdawful body scent gives to prospective mates that you are all peachy-keen and hot to trot.

That means your stench makes you attractive to people who want to have sex with you or at least go out on a date. Whatever comes first.

If this didn't work for that one stinky kid we all knew in junior high, then why should it work when we are adults? We've been told since we were children that smelly people don't get laid.

Damn science, you scary.

HSS's party has another element to it, beyond drink specials and awkward conversations about pop culture and your stupid bastard/bitch ex who won't stop calling.

From the HSS press release:

What other party can you go to where the participants sleep in the same shirt 3 nights in a row, freeze it in a bag and then bring the bag to the party where it's 'sniffed' by fellow singles? At this point, science takes over and pheromones decide on attraction at the very basic animalistic level.

What other kind of event in Houston features people exhibiting their smelly clothes to get laid? How about most every Saturday night at every hipster bar in Montrose?

I keed, I keed.

Yes, the HSS folks want singles who are willing to forgo hygiene in the hopes that they will land a partner or two, or three. Hell, it works for smelly rock stars, but then again those guys' penises are wrapped in thousand-dollar bills, so a little body odor and ass stench is just a job hazard.

You carry a bag around with your article of clothing inside to entice would-be mates into smelling your sack. So I guess if you find someone attractive, instead of asking them if they are on Facebook or who they are voting for, you just smell their shirt and decide whether or not to take a single step further.

Apparently these pheromone parties are a "big deal" in simpler, more traditional places like New York and Los Angeles, too, where small-town goons are wont to do things that are fucking weird.

So single Midtown Houstonians, pick out your best Magellan fishing shirt or Coldplay concert tee and see where the night takes you.

Details on the party, including pricing and admission, are on the HSS site here.

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