Watch This Alligator Chomp This Dude's Arm Damn Near In Half! (w/ VIDEO, Obviously)

Categories: Game Time, Sports

Steal MY beanie?!?
People often ask me "Sean, how do you come up with your content each day? That must be awfully hard to do five days a week!" (Actually, nobody ever asks me that, I just couldn't think of a way to start this post. Also, the "awfully hard to do" part is a pure sympathy play by me. Nothing more, nothing less.)

Well, it's funny you should ask, random person!

Greatness begins in any number of ways. Let's take today, for example. I sat down at the keyboard and wanted to find a video of Texans wide receiver Jeff Maehl short-arming that pass over the middle on Saturday night. So I put "alligator arm" (football term for "pushing out on an over-the-middle catch") in Google, and hit SEARCH.

Well, no Jeff Maehl video, but I did find a story about an animal trainer in Ohio who was doing some tricks with an alligator at the county fair and almost had his arm chewed off, and I thought "WOW! That's WAY more interesting than Jeff Maehl! Let's write about that!"

So today, that's what I did to seek content. Sometimes, the inspiration is that sick pathetic random.

Here's the story of an alligator, a trainer, and an arm that may never be the same:

Daniel Beck is a trainer with the "Kachunda and the Alligator Show," which has taken its act to the annual Cuyahoga County Fair in Berea, OH. Rather than having me describe exactly what said "act" entails, why don't I thieve the information from their website:

Kachunga & The Alligator Show began in 1982 as a public awareness program designed to bring alligators and other wildlife to schools to educate students.

It has since grown into one of today's most popular shows in the fairs and festivals business. Kachunga & The Alligator has been thrilling and educating audiences from coast to coast for over 15 years.

Wildlife Entertainment & Education currently deploys five gator show units. Two are permanently located year-round attractions, and three travel the U.S. and Canada thrilling audiences and packing fairs wherever they go.

All right, so there you go. It's basically a traveling roadshow of swamp reptiles and risk-seeking carneys designed to build awareness of alligators and the like. On paper that sounds bad-ass, but I think we will quickly see that perhaps handing out DVD's of Season 3 of Swamp People is a safer, less bloodcurdling way to educate and enlighten the youth of northern Ohio on the reptilian swamp life of our deep South.

To that end, here is the video of Beck climbing into the squared circle with the alligator (who, if I had to name the creature, I would go with Tyson, Marv Albert, or King Bath Salts):

0:18 -- So we see that this is a two-man show, one guy (presumably the more tenured and far more intelligent of the two) working the microphone carney-style and the other guy (whose IQ is starting straight up at Forrest Gump's on the aptitude graph) who is the stunt donkey responsible for riling an alligator who appears to running free, unencumbered by any chains, and still has all of its teeth (bad combo).

0:20 -- The stupid one, that's Dan. I know this because the carney just introduced him and asked the audience if they would like to see Dan put his hand in the alligator's mouth.

0:24 -- When asked if they would like to see Dan have one of his limbs violently truncated from his body place his hand in the gator's mouth, the northern Ohio audience roars its bloodthirsty approval, obviously full of pent-up anger from a year of watching Cavs basketball, Browns football, and the Indians in the throes of their longest losing streak in God knows how long.

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 I mean that's why we go.  Isn't it.  You don't think there was one person who fist pumped when Sigfreid (sp?) or Roy was mauled.  Other than PETA.


I contend within EVERY audience there is at LEAST ONE person..hoping to see (insert wild animal here) attack the trainer. 


@SeanCablinasian PLEASE tell me you mentioned my FAVORITE alligator arms of all time. Ricky Watters. #Forwho #forwhat


@seancablinasian Surprised it wasn't all Kevin Willis references.


@SeanCablinasian @HoustonPress Don't carneys have small hands? #hewouldntmisshisarmmuchanyway #yeahbaby


@SeanCablinasian ZAPRUDER Breakdowns are the best.


@Ian77379 Classmate of mine at nd. And no click the link. It's better

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