Texans Training Camp: Crisis Averted, Duane Brown Is Gonna Be Okay
"Thank God..." -- Every Texans fan...on Twitter, on message boards, at the grocery store, pretty much everywhere
Remember the first five minutes of Raiders of the Lost Ark? If you're older than 30, you definitely do, and if you're younger than 30, you can go ask your parents about it (or seek it out on YouTube). Long story short, after finally getting his hands on a long sought after gold artifact, Indiana Jones is forced to escape a rapid-fire series of near-death experiences just to escape from the cave which contained the gold idol.
It features ceilings caving in, doors ominously closing, spikes and poisoned darts shooting from the wall, and for good measure a large, spherical boulder practically rolling down on top of him before eventually Jones finds himself on the business end of the spears of several natives. I'm telling you it was stressful and harrowing just watching ol' Indy cheat death like this.
Not dissimilar to the feeling I'm starting to get (again) watching the Houston Texans.
In 2011, the poisoned darts on the injury list looked like this:
-- Arian Foster missing nearly all of the first three games with a hamstring injury.
-- Mario Williams missing the final 11 games and playoffs with a torn pectoral muscle.
-- Andre Johnson missing nine games with various hamstring injuries.
-- James Casey missing a few games and never really recovering from a pectoral injury of his own.
-- Danieal Manning missing a month with a broken leg.
...and finally, the large, spherical championship dream-cratering boulder:
-- Matt Schaub missing the final six games and playoffs with a smushed foot, courtesy of Fat Albert Haynesworth. (Amazingly, paramedics were able to save the foot.)
It seemed like it became a weekly ritual after each game where Texan fans would collectively shake our fists at the football gods and scream at the top of our lungs, "Why, football gods, WHY?!?" Eventually, the playoff game in Baltimore ended along with our Cinderella Super Bowl hopes, and we could all turn the page, hoping that 2012 would bring a much less resistant path to paydirt.
Well, five days into training camp, the early returns are in, and at the very least it appears that it's the unflinching intent of the football gods to, at a bare minimum, playfully fuck with us again. The good news is, for now, it appears as though we've dodged two very large poisoned darts.