Rob Gronkowski Gal Pal Bibi Jones Bids Farewell to Porn

bibi-jones.jpg
Photo © Glenn Francis, www.PacificProDigital.com via Wikipedia.
Bibi Jones
Earlier this week, the New England Patriots reportedly let their Pro Bowl tight end Rob Gronkowski know that it was time to dial back the body shots off of hookers, slow down on the shirtless club dancing and say "NO" to random minor league home run derbies. Work starts again in ten days. The "Summer of Gronk" is over.

(To be fair, it sounds like the Patriots conduct sit-downs like this with all of their players as a final reminder that work starts soon, but I'm guessing if the average player's "reminder meeting" lasts ten minutes, then for Gronk the Pats have to carve out an afternoon. Order out for lunch, stay overtime. Just sayin'.)

But while the "Summer of Gronk" might be behind us, there are reminders of Gronk around every corner, and appropriately during a week where the big tight end is laying low and cleaning up his act, one of his, ahem, girl "friends," porn star Bibi Jones (and her considerably less tight end), has announced her retirement from "the business" in search of a better life.

To refresh, it was about eight months ago that photos surfaced on the Internet of Gronkowski and Jones hanging out together, with Jones posing in Gronkowski's Patriots game jersey. Predictably, the pictures made Twitter convulse and sent thousands of Web porn enthusiasts seeking out Jones's, ahem, WORK.

Well, we learned Wednesday that Jones will be looking for different work going forward. She's not long for porn.

When you think of emotional retirement speeches, the gold standard that immediately comes to mind is Lou Gehrig's gut-wrenching goodbye at Yankee Stadium back on July 4, 1939, when the Yankee ironman, who at the time was the owner of the consecutive games played record, set the standard for a "less is more" farewell:

Incredible.

As you will see, Bibi Jones's retirement video is EXACTLY like the Gehrig video -- both had come to work over 2,000 days in a row, both were overcome with emotion and both were addressing their fans while ravaged by some sort of disease (venereal or otherwise). In fact, if you threw a blond wig on Gehrig, put him on Skype and gave him a scorching case of herpes, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between him and Bibi.

So without further ado, the Bibi Jones retirement speech:

Highlights for me:

0:40 -- Bibi has been reading the book Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, and it has apparently inspired her to make many life changes. Now, Bibi's version of "reading" the book is apparently the literary equivalent of mowing your lawn by hand with a pair of nail clippers. She is taking her own sweet time, not because she's a slow reader (I'm sure she crushed it on her SATs.), but because Now is one of those books you have to read two pages at a time and then "fully let it soak in," according to Bibi. Deep.

1:24 -- Oh man, now she wants to read a page out of the book, for the people that care. If Bibi Jones is trying to keep my Gehrig-like streak of "number of times I've immediately fast-forwarded to the 3-minute mark of her videos" alive, she's doing a helluva job.

1:30 -- Bibi admits that it would be a shock if any of us were still watching because she's not naked yet in the video. No shit. Now she's going to read page 213. Does Bibi know that if she's going to do the porn star 180-degree turn, Power of Now is not the book you quote scripture from? "Yeah, I'd like to read you a verse from the first book of Eckhart..."

1:40 -- "Blah blah blah....blah blah blah....inner beauty.....blah blah blah...." Is she naked yet?

2:32 -- Wait, Bibi is about to pontificate about the excerpt she just read. Don't we need like three days to "fully let it soak in"? I am not fully soaked yet, Bibi! Not at all!

2:41 -- Bibi discloses she's been very unhappy the last couple months, which is incredible because most folks in the porn industry seem to live very fulfilling lives. Obviously, whatever it was that brought her down must have happened sometime around the time this video was shot, which was uploaded to YouTube right at about two months ago:

See, awesome investigative work by me. Clearly, it was Bibi's dissatisfaction with the talent that she was forced to work with in this BangBros shoot that sent her into this mental tailspin. It's like Dwight Howard realizing that he's surrounded by Jameer Nelson, Big Baby Davis and Hedo Turkoglu when he'd much rather be doing girl/girl scenes with Deron Williams. Same thing.

2:55 -- I think she said, "I need to look at the big picture," but she was slurring a little bit, so there's a decent chance she said, "I need to lick the Big Picture," and the Big Picture is a nickname for some Greg Oden dick-alike.

3:06 -- Everyone knows that "porn doesn't last forever." Oh, I beg to differ, Beebs. With the advent of streaming video, it does last forever. By the way, sure, maybe your physical, um, skills won't last forever, but you're 20 years old! Nine Hartley is like 70 and she's still weaving her naked magic!

3:16 -- Apparently, Bibi's family is not down with her porn career. They probably all feel like they should have seen this coming when she would draw pictures of hot dogs and tall buildings in art class in elementary school. They could have stopped it then! Guilt!

3:32 -- She is quitting porn for her health....because there are healthier ways to burn 2000 calories a day.

3:40 -- "I guess what I'm saying is I'm getting out of the business." I will always remember where I was when I heard Bibi Jones utter these words. This is the "Today I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth" of the porn industry. Can we get Bibi an echoey microphone, please?!?

3:50 -- "You know, I was promised a lot of things..." Wow, you mean leadership in the porn industry make promises that they don't keep? Always seemed like pretty upstanding people to me. Signed, fake casting couch videos

4:23 -- "I don't want to let down anyone..." Um, Bibi, you're leaving the business, and by doing so you ARE letting down millions of Web-browsing pervs who love your work! Don't leave us them, Bibi! Don't leave!

4:35 -- She apologizes for the drama of her retirement because she wasn't in the business very long. Apparently, there's some sort of unwritten code in porn that you have to last until at least 21 years old before you can flaunt your retirement. Yes, but you made the most of those years, Bibi. You're the Gale Sayers of porn, which opens up the debate -- Bibi Jones...Hall of Famer?

4:55 -- "I have nothing negative to say about porn, or the people involved in it..." No, nothing negative to say, you're just a sobbing mess about getting out of a business that's chewed you up and spit you out in two years and made you a withering mess at the age of 20 because it hurts everyone around you and because you're legitimately concerned about your health. But, other than that, it's GREAT! You should all try it once!

5:30 -- Bibi talks about starting "fresh." Does she think that quitting porn means that there's some sort of mechanism on the Internet that auto-deletes all of her movies and pictures? Beebs, you traded away any future "fresh starts" the second your first nipple came out.

Unlike retirement speeches in other walks of entertainment which typically end in a "thank you" to the fans, Bibi's retirement speech is punctuated at the end with a teary apology. She never said for what, but Beebs, I think I speak for all of us, even Gronk, when I say, "Apology accepted."

You can go now, Bibi. See you back on the set in six months.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. weekdays, and watch the simulcast on Comcast 129 from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. Also, follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.


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13 comments
PornIsShit
PornIsShit

Retiring from porn to look for a better life, aw, that poor little babygirl, I almost feel sorry for her. While the rest of us know there is no such thing as retiring from porn, this genius seem to have missed something important. An example; many, many years ago a local girl somehow ended up doing porn in a Las Vegas hotelroom, and of course it landed on the internet about 2 minutes later. Some time passed, she entered a Miss Norway contest and things happend, and she now desperatly tried to hide her porn life. She has spent years on this, she hired people to get the porn search result far down the google list. It didn`t work, to this day she is still "that whore from that Vegas porn" and she will be nothing more for the rest of her life. You can not back out of doing porn, once a whore always a whore. There is an easy solutiuon though; just keep your frikkin pants on and stop behaving like a complete slut, dumbass!. Its that easy.

mike-a-white
mike-a-white

I hope Gronk has a safe and happy new season, I hope Bibi Jones has a safe and happy new career, and I hope Sean Pendergast gets the medication and safe environment needed to cope with some severe emotional issues. Seriously, dude, you went off the deep end with that one.

char49d
char49d

How pathetic.   I mean the author, of course, not the girl trying to figure things out.  You can actually feel the authors pent up sexual frustration in his misplaced invective.  

 

If you didn't approve of her lifestyle choice, shouldn't you be applauding her change in career path?  I found what little I watched of that video depressing, I hope she gets counseling.  Being offered a lot of money at 18 and being sold on a life of partying most be seductive, The Army can convince people to kill and they're usually just offering scholarships, imagine if sex and coke were part of the pitch.

BrettFavre
BrettFavre

No way she comes back. Once a person retires, they're done.

major_delmac
major_delmac

treasures is still hiring...  i can go see that flintstone toed skank in person.

roland57
roland57

What a jerk.  I hope the author never has a daughter that makes a mistake in her youth or ever.  All the best to the young lady, I hope she recovers and has a wonderful life.  The author, not so much.

texans_00
texans_00

Seriously...skanks r us, if Rob Gronkowski has been playing with that, opponents might want to get latex gloves and industrial strength sanitizer

PornIsShit
PornIsShit

 @char49d

 ""The Army can convince people to kill and they're usually just offering scholarships""

 

Yeah and the porn industry offers filth, shit and more filth, topped off with enough STDs to last a lifetime, but you`ll probably kill yourself anyway becasue of the mental and emotional destruction.  Explain how its possible to compare the military and the porn industry. You think 1 million dollars is worth being in the most filthy, degrading, shitty job in the world? If I offer you 1 million, cash in hand, will you then let a gang of hobos ride you like a racehorse all day long while I film it all and put it online? Is it worth it?

PornIsShit
PornIsShit

 @char49d

 I do not approve of her lifestyle choice and I see no reason to applaud. Its to late, the damage has been done, this girl is know just another dumb whore, it doesn`t matter that she now says she wants out, too little way too late. Its just a sad story, nothing positive here, she made a terrible decision and now she`ll live with it forever. Yeah maybe she was offered alot of money at 18. To sell her ass, to have strange guys treat her like a garbage can, ok? You have to be a complete idiot to agree to something like that, theres not enough money in the world.

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