5 Ways to Tell If You've Politically Lost Your Damned Mind

stormfront.org... I really wouldn't visit that site if I were you
If you're a sane person then you are dreading the next four months leading up to the presidential election. Every single election cycle has gotten more and more crazy, but I have a feeling this is going to be the one where we end up developing airborne thorazine to try and chill folks the holy hell out.

It's so easy to get caught up in the partisan sniping and insulting rhetoric. We don't use war for entertainment much anymore, so now we use politics. The Republican debates showed that clearly between the high ratings and the fact that people openly compared them to a successful TV show. The same lunacy that made people unironically wear Team Jacob and Team Edward shirts has spread to mainstream politics.

Of course, you don't just wake up one morning and say, "Today I shall treat every political discussion as a reason to foam at the mouth" any more than you say, "I shall no longer be able to control my alcohol intake." It happens insidiously, slowly over time. So just as I did when I offered helpful signs that you might be a racist, here are a few indicators that you have crossed over into crazy town.

Bear in mind that these apply mostly to people that currently oppose Barack Obama. However, I can't stress enough how they applied exactly as much to people that opposed Bush in 2004. Something about the end of a president's first term just brings out the cuckoo hardcore.

You Can't Fit Any More Negative Bumper Stickers on Your Car

Let's leave off the fact that being the kind of person that puts bumper stickers on your car already indicates a bestial, territorial personality that makes you want to violent lash out at threats, even though it's totally true. There's nothing wrong, I guess, with a lone "I'll keep my guns and Bible. You can keep the change" decal, but when you go to such lengths that you could literally not express your feelings about the President any further without adding a second bumper you are not projecting an aura of, "This man is a wise and logical political thinker." Take care, though, some people take the next step of decorating their infants to get the point across.

You Compare Anything to the Third Reich

You know who has something in common with Hitler? Every single nation that has been involved with the Olympic Torch ceremony. Hitler invented it, but we all do it anyway. Anytime a politician does something that annoys a crazy person they start looking for a way to compare it to the actions of Nazi Germany.

To be clear, you'd need three U.S. Presidents to equal one Hitler; Jackson (for the genocide), Roosevelt (for the internment camps), and Arthur (for the odd, but charismatic facial hair). Until we see a commander in chief start breaking the windows of a particular race or herding them into ghettos with racial markings, let's leave the comparisons to the fuehrer as an indication of batshittedness.

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MadMac topcommenter

Disclosure, I commited all but one of these, once. That bumper sticker thing's too much like work. I plan to commit a couple of them again. More on that. I agree with most points; absolutism on any side of a debate makes my agent orange act up. Alot of folk become jaded and disconnect, "Oh, they're all crooked. Politics are fixed. It's all a left/right/fung shui conspiracy. They'd rather b1tch about other people's decisions than pick a side and run the risk of being wrong. So, I'll debate vigorously (without the derisive name calling 'cause, you know, I paid for that education, might as well use it) and I do believe walks/looks/legislates/quacks is a duck. And I'll take the chance of being wrong. There are worse things--the Buchanan example is $$ for that. When the debate stopped the shooting started.


Hahahaha I heard that coal guy too, when he came out with that Hussain line I burst out laughing in my car. One of the funniest (and saddest) things Ive heard all year


I have a Facebook friend who "liked" Texans for Lawsuit Reform. A couple of weeks later I noticed that she also "liked" another page called "Stop TLR"--TLR meaning Texans for Lawsuit Reform. No, I'm not FB friends with Helena Brown. There are many  preposterously ignorant people in this country, and they vote.

Creg Lovett
Creg Lovett

I wish you would hurry up and write another book

Corey Deiterman
Corey Deiterman

I personally am extremely weary of the Nazi comparisons to everything under the sun. Not just even Presidents, it comes up about EVERYTHING. People can't leave it alone.


I'm guessing you are batting for the team that has not helped the economy...


This is a good one!The thing I've noticed about political nuts is this:


EVERYTHING "proves" what they've been saying all along!


Every single news story about anything. Be it a car accident, a bank robbery, or a movie that didn't do well, "this is where liberalism/conservatism/communism has gotten us. This is their plan!"


And I don't want to hear about it. If your burger tasted bad or your shoes didn't hold up like you expected, I don't want to hear how it is the fault of your perceived political opponents. 


 @seabroke When was the last "team" that helped the economy?

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