The Sports Hall of Shame, an Idea Long Overdue

Categories: Game Time, Sports

OJ's bronco hangs from the ceiling like the Spirit of St. Louis.
A week or so ago, you may remember, I wrote a post about the auction for Bobby Petrino's crash-damaged motorcycle. The majority of the post was an outline of my idea to turn the crumpled-up love machine into a profit center by selling photo opportunities for fans to pose on the bike.

At the end of the post, I wrote the following:

This needs to happen. And once the "posing on the bike" novelty has worn off, we can move the bike to the Hall of Shame that I plan on opening someday. Yes, someday I envision there being a building where artifacts from the sports world that symbolize scandal, scumbaggery and soul-crushing defeat are all gathered and are able to be viewed museum-style. The place would crush, trust me.

But the Hall of Shame, that's another idea for another post.

Well, this is that post.

Most people love to travel, and sports fans generally like the historical aspect of their favorite sports. The concept of a "Hall of Fame" in each sport is built on those two consumption patterns. Whether it's Cooperstown, New York, for baseball, Canton, Ohio, for football, or Springfield, Massachusetts, for basketball, fans of those sports have spent decades making the pilgrimage to each of those places so they can reminisce and/or learn about their favorite pastimes.

There's only one problem. By and large, these hallowed halls accentuate the positives of each sport, the do-gooders, the truly great. Whether by design or not, the fact of the matter is that you come away from each of these places with a happy, flowery image of each sport soaked into your brain.

Now, one trip to the headlines section of any sports Web site is enough to shock you back into reality and remind you that, whether we like it or not, much of what shapes the sports world is actually spawned from scandal, defeat and, yes, even death. My contention is that we need a building that specifically houses artifacts and reminders of the imperfections and blights on the sports world.

Hence, my idea of the Hall of Shame.

It's a concept that I've espoused privately to some friends for some time; the auction of the Petrino skank cycle merely gave me the impetus to discuss it openly on the radio and in this space. As for broad strokes on location and concept, obviously a house celebrating sin like this one would need to be erected in Sin City, so Vegas, congrats! You're the home of my Hall of Shame!

With alcohol being the source of so many poor decisions in the sports world, I think it's only fitting that drinks are available frequently throughout the facility, so beer tubs at every corner manned by lookalikes of some of sports' most infamous females are also a must (Kim Kardashian, Jessica Simpson pre-kid, Anna Benson, to name a few).

Naturally, my listeners decided to weigh in with items and features that they would like to see displayed, so I'll give the floor to them to begin the process of stocking display cases and building content-specific wings on this bad boy.

Don't miss the JaMarcus Russell exhibit!
Here we go (Twitter handles in parentheses, if you want to give any of these tweeps a follow; also, my comments are preceded by a bold "SP:"):

Aggie Doug ‏(@AggieDoug) -- Evander Holyfield's ear lobe
Todd Faber ‏(@barnztormre) -- Amare's fire extinguisher, a Hooters receipt signed by John Daly, and a gallon of purple drank signed by Jamarcus Russell.
Tony in Albuquerque ‏(@MastTerBase) -- Marv Alberts Victoria 's secret values shopper card
Scott Smith ‏(@alpacinoswig) -- Mike Price's strip club tab

SP: Starting to see a recurring theme? People want to see receipts or copies of tabs from scandalous figures or events. A wing or book of all of these is certainly a possibility. Other items in this category would be the receipt from the night Tony Larussa got a DWI, any Carlos Lee receipt from Golden Corral and the receipt from any night that Josh Hamilton fell off the wagon.

Tim Haraden ‏(@TimHaraden) -- Larry Eustachy red solo cup

SP: I believe you mean his Natty Light can.

Cody Stoots ‏(@Cody_Love) -- a collage of Cromartie's kids birth certificates

SP: The first of several Antonio Cromartie submissions, the volume of which was enough to consider giving Cromartie his own traveling show, like the King Tut exhibit that travels the country from museum to museum.

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Ryan Leaf's cat burglar costume.

Matt Light and Gronk "fist pumping to the oldies" video montage on a loop

Chris Hanson's "keep choppin wood!" ax

Jeremy Affeldt's burger splitting knife

Chael Sonnen's Smack Off Trophy (too soon?)

the Tony Mandarich Sports Illustrated cover

Ron Washington's mid-life crisis Commadore's CD he pounded Bolivian marching powder from.

George O'Leary's resume

Rick J.
Rick J.

You need the knife that Irving Fryar's wife used to stab him before a playoff game.  Also the tree he hit with his car not long after, leading to one of the all-time great headlines..."First it was a knife in the kitchen, then it was a fork in the road."


Rudy T's face mask. 

Wax figures of Buddy Ryan and Kevin Gilbride fighting.

Copies of all the "no" Hall of Fame votes that Guy Lewis gets. (Tragedy)

Pete Rose betting slips.

Vernon Maxwell's gun.

The Dennis Franchione newsletter could be the official newsletter of the Hall of Shame.

The criminal records and W2's of the UT football program.


-  Jeff Alm's shotgun.

-  T.O.'s stolen prescription tablet.

-  Ron Mexico's water bottle.



I dig it...years ago I wanted to buy Barry Bonds 70th HR ball.  I wanted to buy a port o potty.  I wanted to cover that ball in polyurethane, and wanted to have a traveling port o potty where baseball fans could line up and piss on the Barry Bonds ball...Hall of Shame!!!


Todd Marinovich's soiled pants from his arena football days.


I hope the term "skank" in "skank bike" is a reference to Petrino!

Additions to the Hall:

Wilt Chamberlain's silk robe.  And maybe a black light for all those hotel mattresses.

Can we afford Lawrence Taylor's Super Bowl ring?  Such a get!

An exhibit devoted to Australian rugby players' sex scandals (NC-17).

John Nova Lomax
John Nova Lomax

A selection of Vernon Maxwell's Coke can bongs....An Isiah Rider clone phone...The pistol Barry Switzer tried to take through airport security...Rudy T's vodka-scented Big Gulp cups...


ty cobb's klan robe.

paul hornung's betting sheets.

willie stargell's gold cigarette case and coke spoon ("antiques roadshow" suggests keeping the set together for optimum value).

richard petty's in-car spittoon.

george foreman's westheimer road fast food tour refuse.

kenny powers' jet ski, "the panty dropper".

charles barkley's police reports involving midgets.


In the video section... the ball hitting Jose Canseco's head and bouncing over the wall. 

big red
big red

Instead of painting the ceiling, how about pasting all of the cancelled checks of the child support payments made by Shawn Kemp and Calvin Murphy for one or two years. That would be enough to cover a large warehouse. If the building gets larger, use the ones from Steve Garvey. (didn't he win the Breeder's Cup one year?)

Instead of lights, just get Calvin Murphy's old suits and hang them throughout the building. It would save a lot on the electricity bill.


Steve Bartman's Walkman.

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