Sorry, Mark Zuckerberg: 10 Reasons Why I'm Not Spending $40 to Buy a Facebook Share

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You'll have to get your $40 somewhere else, Zuckerberg.
Here's a scoop: Facebook is having an IPO today. This under-the-radar stock sale will make billions for investors.

Although everyone is keeping things on the down-low, the IPO means -- I'm guessing here, Wall Street is really not my forte -- that you can buy a share of Facebook stock, currently trading at about $40.

I've considered carefully the idea of doing so, and -- sorry, Mark Zuckerberg -- I must respectfully decline. The investment opportunity just doesn't feel right to me at the moment.

My ten reasons why:

10. I have discovered that even if I bought a share, I would not really have much of a say in the company. Zuckerberg will have 56 percent of the voting shares. If I can't push through a vote on banning FarmVille, what's the point?

9. Today's Houston Press Voice Daily Deal is $37 to participate in the military-style obstacle-course 5K Rebel Race on June 9. I have a couple of weeks to get in shape for it, so that's a better use of my money.

8. Apparently stock prices can go down as well as up. If I pay 40 bucks for a share today and Tuesday it's selling at $33, that's one less Minute Maid Park beer for me. Have you tried watching the Astros sober lately?

7. I don't like the new timeline thing.

6. I'm still bitter about my investment in the Prodigy IPO.

5. Truth be told, I tried to watch The Social Network, but the combination of standard Aaron Sorkin rapid-fire arch dialogue and Jesse Eisenberg got the better of me. Something about that guy bugs me.

4. I can't get to an ATM right now. I assume you're only taking cash.

3. MySpace was big once, too. Sic transit gloria and all that.

2. I prefer not to associate with a bunch of one-percenters.

1. I'm pretty sure you're blasting all my personal information all over the net, but I can't be bothered to learn the intricate process for getting you to stop that.

So what can I say? Sorry, Zuckerberg. You're on your own with this one.


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8 comments
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Can't Get Enough Lists!
Can't Get Enough Lists!

Another list?? YAYYYYYYY!!! Keep em coming, HP writers!

Dimaxion
Dimaxion

I know! The purpose of any local blog ought to be to recycle press releases and dress them up properly, so they can be seen as NEWS!

Rich Connelly
Rich Connelly

 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Can't Get Enough Lists!
Can't Get Enough Lists!

You should make a list of why you didn't like my comment since you are so good at making lists every single day! PLEASE??!!!

Sancho
Sancho

Uh, you tend to lose credibility when you don't know people's names. Facebook's founder is Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerman is a sportswriter that covers the Washington Nationals. Even satirical pieces should use the right name. Dumbass.

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