The Most Hideous "Cinnamon Challenge" Video Ever -- A Zapruder Breakdown
0:31 -- The phenomenon of young people covering themselves in tattoos has exploded exponentially in the last 15 years, a trend I've often said is completely lacking in foresight as I am of the opinion that when these people turn, say, 65 years old, they're going to look and feel like idiots. So if you're wondering what a sixtysomething woman looks like covered in tattoos (tattoos that look like they were scribbled on her in the furnace room of a women's prison, no less), observe. Granny is inked up.
0:46 -- Cinnamon scooped up, aaaanndd down the hatch! (Notice the candles on the table and the window sill. Hey, Granny, maybe if you didn't let your grandson Hayseed McSucknut smoke in the house all the time, you wouldn't need to fill the room with jasmine-scented Yankee Candles. Just a thought.)
0:53 -- Mount Doubtfire erupts! Out goes the cinnamon, all over the floor, which ironically makes the room somewhat cleaner and certainly better smelling. It's okay, the spit should wipe right off the vinyl tablecloth. You know, whenever they get around to wiping it, sometime in 2014.
0:57 -- ....and out go the dentures. If you look closely, you can see the army of bedbugs and ants picking them up and carrying them off.
1:06 -- Granny is wailing like a cat stuck hanging by its tail in a garage door, and rubbing her tongue frantically, much like every man who has ever orally touched any part of her body in the last 50 years. And she is sitting on the chair, legs spread, like Don Zimmer sitting on the bench in the Yankee dugout. We're not in "two chicks, one cup" level of disgusting yet, but we are a cab ride away.
1:15 -- Granny spitting and rinsing, spitting and rinsing. The jokes are too easy.
1:30 -- Granny stumbles over to the sink for a time-honored Cinnamon Challenge tradition -- the quasi-vomit into the sink. This camera angle also gives you the full flavor of her hairdo, which can best be described as a cross between Shemp from The Three Stooges and Steve Carell in the first season of The Office.
1:34 -- We get a brief look at the grandson and I was being kind when I said 115 pounds. He's barely cracking the century mark. Also, good to see his pants actually cover up his junk. Barely.
1:39 -- If you pause it quickly at exactly the 1:39 mark, you can see one of those motivational posters on the wall. You know, the ones that people with no initiative have on the wall of their office so that they can act like they have initiative? Judging by Granny's ample frame, it's not a reach to call the kitchen her office, so having the poster on this wall is actually appropriate. Obviously, I'm wondering exactly what word and cheesy saying are on the poster. I'll go with "POVERTY: Crystal meth's silent aftertaste."
1:41 -- "Where's my teeth??" Yep, that happened.
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