"Gulf of America"? Don't Stop There! Five More Equally Sane Name Changes Needed

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THANK YOU, Mississippi.
A Mississippi lawmaker has completely and utterly disgraced Texas politicians by being the first to introduce legislation to change the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America.

And not because, as Stephen Colbert once put it when he made the same suggestion, "we broke it, we bought it."

No, Rep. Steve Holland wants it changed because it just should be changed, dammit.

We couldn't agree more, but we don't think Holland -- who would change his name to Holland-America if there wasn't already a shipping company by that name -- doesn't go far enough.

More name changes needed:

5. St. Tony: The Alamo City will not only lose its unpleasant Mexican-ness, it will find itself more hospitable to the Jersey Shore crowd, thus boosting tourism and tanning-parlor revenues.

4. Tex-Tex food: Also known as barbecue, but now the name will apply to burritos and enchiladas, which will also eventually get renamed, we can only pray.

3. America City: Come on, Mexico, get on board with this movement and rename your capital.

2. Arms River: The Brazos River, originally "Brazos de Dios" for "Arms of God" is, while commendably religious, obviously far too Mexican. So from now on it's the Arms River, and it flows through Arm-ia County, not Brazoria.

1. New America: Wait, there's a state called "New Mexico"? Is Rep. Steve Holland-America even aware of this? Fix this now.


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4 comments
El Machete
El Machete

Leave to some Johnny Reb from Mississippi.  My favorite Mississippi movies; "The Help", "Missippi Burning", "To Kill A Mockingbird", "A Time for a Killing" & "Ghosts of Mississippi".  You kind of get the idea about Mississippi now.

bibulb
bibulb

FWIW, Holland's actually doing this as commentary to protest anti-immigration law attempts.

Djoelaw
Djoelaw

A long while back Perry declared that he didn't want Texas "to become Mississippi." Looks like we made it. Welcome to St. Tony, Mississippi.

Lady Writer
Lady Writer

Yeah, I saw that, too. He said he meant for this to be "tongue-in-cheek." Maybe his tongue should have been a little more obviously in his cheek.

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