4. Let's play with fire, kids!
Remember, kids, nothing says "love" like lighting a match, so go play with matches!!
3. You missed a spot, bitch
Glassy-eyed automatons scrubbing your car in the aching hope that some dude will take notice of you? He's hanging out with the cheerleaders, baby.
2. And a happy passive-aggressive Valentine's Day to you, too
No one loves me, but there's a hobo named Fuzzy Worms in the garden who likes me!!
1. Something's off here
Ah yes: The old A-A-B-C-D-E-F rhyme scheme. Works like a charm every time!
Follow Hair Balls News on Facebook and on Twitter @HairBallsNews.