Houston's Underground Reservoir: Five Potential Uses to Fear

Categories: Spaced City

Something's coming, hopefully not involving Mattress Mack.
The Houston Chronicle has a terrific story on an empty underground reservoir near Buffalo Bayou.

The large space -- about one and a half football fields -- features 25-foot ceilings supported by slender columns, with entry and exit limited to a trap-door at the surface.

The Buffalo Bayou Partnership owns it, and is considering what to do with it.

We have five ideas we hope don't come to fruition, but we are fearful one of them might.

5. Jordy's Toilet II
Downtown is still trying to accept the renovation of Jones Plaza, which used to be a utilitarian more-or-less open space across from Jones Hall. The city turned it into a tile-and-glass-filled mishmash of pointlessness, the effort led by former municipal jack-of-all-trades Jordy Tollett.

It's been called "Jordy's Toilet" ever since. Don't think it can't happen again.

4. The Mattress Mack Ultimate Man Cave
How is any entity going to come up with the cash to turn this underground space into a place for art or concerts? You know they'll need corporate support, and in Houston that means Mattress "Galleryfurniture.com Bowl" Mack.

He'll decorate it as only he can, packed with recliners, stadium seating, a huge TV screen and hideous things on the wall. The 10 percent of the space that is not taken up by his showroom can be used for the arts, as long as they're not loud enough to interrupt the sales pitches.

3. An HPD storefront
Sure, getting in and out of the substation would be difficult, but think of the Batcave references you could make. Plus, it would keep the cops in the storefront from being bothered by pesky neighbors with all their complaints about robberies and assaults.

2. The Hall of Houston Mayors
Houston's mayors have been woefully under-honored, someone must surely feel. So play poker in the Jim McConn wing, try on a Tootsie wig and glasses in the Kathy Whitmire Room, or take a nap in the Lee P. Brown Sleepatorium. Note to parents: The Annise Parker Years Brought To You By The L Word will not turn your children gay.

1. Tilman Fertitta's Aquarium II
You think the current downtown Aquarium is overpriced? Wait to see what they're charging for scuba suits to dive and enjoy the world's largest underwater Ferris wheel. Be sure not to miss the white tigers, cramped in their bathysphere.

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