The Astros May Be Changing Their Name? My 5 Suggestions

Categories: Game Time, Sports

The Houston Hutts?
Yesterday afternoon, Astros owner Jim Crane built up more good will with the Houston community in about eight minutes than the team on the field has in the last six years when he announced that the 2012 season will feature cheaper beer ($5 beers!), cheaper tickets and permission to bring your own food and water to the games.

However, before the cheers could even die down, Crane was asked about the possibility of the team changing its name from "Astros" to something else, and much to the chagrin of longtime fans of the team, he actually left that possibility open.

"We're going to study the information both from the fans and from all sorts of marketing people," Crane said. "I'm not saying we're going to change. We haven't made the decision yet whether we're going to change."

Predictably, this sent most of Astro Nation into a tizzy. Clearly, more of you see a name change at this point as a drastic move that obsoletes your Astro jerseys and gear, as opposed to a fresh start that turns your Astro jerseys and gear into valuable collectors' items.

And you know what? I completely understand.

While at the height of the "Astros to A.L." debate I had a decided pro-A.L. stance (which made many of you view me as a carpetbagger and interloper), on this topic you're talking about the NAME of the team. To me, the name of the team is a much more integral part of its DNA than the league it plays in. After all, as Marlo Stanfield said in The Wire, my name is my name.

But if this is indeed a possibility, if the Astros are truly gauging the market to see if we are up for a name change, I'd be remiss not to include some suggestions for the new name of our hometown nine. So without further ado, a few ideas I came up with:

Houston Houstonians
I'll admit, when the Texans first announced their team name back in 2000, I found the name to be somewhat underwhelming, if not narcissistic. And since Bob McNair announced the name of his new baby, people haven't really latched onto the whole "mascot that needlessly repeats our geographic location" market, but I think it may be time to revisit that. Bonus points if they make Rusty Hardin or Paul Wall the mascot. Double bonus points if they make Rusty Hardin AND Paul Wall the mascots together.

Houston Hutts
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Jabba the Hutt pretty much ran the entire illegal underground on a planet called Tattooine. I think Jabba the Hutt (and his fellow Hutts) represents everything that's great about the city of Houston -- Jabba was resourceful, vengeful, dominant and fat. An added bonus -- Carlos Lee can double as both a first baseman and a mascot, which saves one headcount. Total "money ball" approach, Crane likes this.

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Jim Crane
Jim Crane

The obvious name is the Houston Cranes


I think we should update with a trendy singular name like the Houston Sprawl.

Lady Writer
Lady Writer

The Houston Humidity. (Hey, if Miami can have their Heat...)


I remember a very old joke about the team being bought by a partnership between a razor company and Col. Sanders.  They renamed the team the Chicken Shicks.

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