The Really Important Questions to Answer for the Super Bowl
So it's Super Bowl week. This game featuring a rematch between the New York Giants and the New England Patriots. There will be a lot of story lines, real and imagined, developed and discussed before and during the game on Sunday. Like, for instance, the 25 mentioned below.
So Tom Brady, is losing the Super Bowl really that bad when you get to go home to Gisele?
25. Tim Tebow because, why not?
24. Did you know that the Patriots are using the home team locker room at Lucas Oil Stadium? Does that mean Tom Brady's using Peyton Manning's locker?
23. Speaking of Peyton Manning, will he be up in the family booth watching his little brother try to lead the Giants to victory?
22. If the Giants win the game, especially if Eli Manning leads them on a last-second drive to get the win, will he be considered the greatest of the Manning-line of quarterbacks?
21. Don't worry, Mr. Brady. Even if you lose, you're still a winner. After all, you do get to go home to Gisele Bündchen.
20. Is Rob Lowe going to Media Day? Will he be breaking any news that can top his Peyton Manning is retiring news from several weeks ago?
19. Tim Tebow.
18. If the Patriots win, will we have to listen to Texans fans bitching about how the Texans would have won the whole thing if not for Jacoby Jones?
17. If the Giants win the game, will this save for another year the job of the always embattled Giants head coach Tom Coughlin?
16. Is anybody going to come up with a photo of Uggs-sponsor Tom Brady actually wearing Uggs?
15. If the Patriots win, does this mean that Chad Ochocinco actually gets a Super Bowl ring?
14. So what's more impressive? That Wes Welker's turned into one of football's best receivers or that he's getting married to a former Miss Hooters International?
13. Will Kelly Clarkson screw up the National Anthem? That seems to have become the Super Bowl tradition, after all.
12. Madonna's the halftime entertainment? Seriously? She's still doing music? I thought she was a movie director now.
Meet the future Mrs. Wes Welker, to which it's said, well done, Mr. Welker, well done.
11. Will the New England Patriots defense bother to show up for this game?
10. If this game is like the rest of the season for the Patriots, that means the defense won't show up. Does this prime the stage for Brady to break just about every Super Bowl passing record?
9. What's the over/under on the number of times Al Michaels will mention the Patriots' desire for revenge against the Giants for ruining their perfect season four years ago?
8. Speaking of over/under, how many references to the point spread does Al Michaels sneak into his play-by-play?
7. And what are the odds that NBC will show so many commercials touting Smash during the game that every single person watching the game is going to end up hating it before it even airs?
5. How many heartwarming stories on Giants wide receiver Victor Cruz will there be during the game? And does Al Michaels make a Dancing with the Stars reference when talking about Cruz?
4. How much time will be wasted talking about the Colts drafting Andrew Luck?
3. Would a Patriots Super Bowl win erase the damage to Bill Belichick's reputation done by Spygate?
2. Will there be a discussion about Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski revolutionizing the tight end position? And if so, does anybody mention other revolutionizers like Kellen Winslow or Ozzie Newsome?
1. And the big question: Will the game be decided by a kicker missing a kick, and if so, who does the scoreboard malfunction get blamed on?