The Five Most Cringe-Worthy Social Media Status Updates

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We all know that certain people just overshare. These are people for whom the acronym "TMI" was invented. They walk into a party and immediately begin telling anyone who will listen about their violent ex or their bowel issues. The good thing about these people is that you can walk away from them and avoid them when they enter your quadrant.

In social media, it takes a little more effort to completely remove these people from your path, especially if they are friends or people you consider important enough not to block, like family members. But the status updates on Facebook and posts on Twitter that cause us to recoil in fear are a little different than crazy Uncle Ned talking about black people. In social media, it's a more subtle version, but no less annoying.

We discussed this at length and came up with the five that irked us the most.

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Amen.
5. Inspiring and/or Motivational Messages
There is a Simpsons episode where Marge decides to open a small business. At one of her more frustrating moments, she looks at a classic motivational poster of a kitty hanging from a clothesline with the words "Hang in there" and she sighs, "You said it."

In truth, these messages can be appropriate at certain moments -- holidays, after the death of a loved one, during a tough time -- and even sweet. But, when we get up in the morning and the first thing we see is ten friends sharing the same quote from Anthony Robbins, our eyes want to roll out of the back of our heads. Next time, write it on a sticky note and tape it to your bathroom mirror. The rest of us are fine.

4. Religion
We are incredibly respectful of your religious beliefs. We even sort of admire your faith. It's comforting. But Bible verses and messages of wisdom from the Dharma seem oddly out of place on Twitter next to Kim Kardashian's update about her new line of hoodies. We know that in Christianity you are told to "go ye therefore," and maybe social media qualifies, but we bet Jesus would be okay if you kept that stuff separate from your Farmville updates.

3. Cryptic Passive Aggressiveness
"Wow...I sure wasn't expecting THAT from YOU. Sigh."

Please, please, PLEASE stop this. If you want to say something to someone, that is why God (and Mark Zuckerberg) created the "wall." Sure, it's kinda shitty and maybe better handled in private, but you think they can't figure it out from your status? And if the person isn't online at all, grow a pair and tell him/her in person. It's better for everyone.


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23 comments
MadMac
MadMac

Cryptic Passive Aggressiveness What's the point of distance and/or anonymity if you can't just hold forth  with an expletative-ladden rant?

Oh, and what Championshipvinyl69 said. I have no idea what he's talking about since I still don't understand/use Twitter but it sounds really annoying. Just saying.  

Teek
Teek

Can we stop posting pictures of food....or telling us what you ate....oh and the arguments on line,although funny we don't need to see your friendship unraveling. Grow a pair and face to face that one.

These are my kids...
These are my kids...

A play by play report on how fast your precious baby is growing up...  New mother's are especially guilty of this.I don't mind hearing about your bundle of joy every so often, but not every... single... day.

jenn
jenn

This was a good one--I agree with all. Sometimes I think that the articles I see about this topic are too picky and mean, because some posts might be interesting to a majority of a person's friends and annoying to just a couple of cranks who should be able to just ignore it,  but this list is right on target.

Kevin
Kevin

Monday's suck and Friday is FINALLY here. I get it. Don't need those gems every week.

Championshipvinyl73
Championshipvinyl73

...and grammar and spelling Nazis!! You are on a website that's name is an improperly used compound word for shite sake so quit posting shit about the fact that people commonly mispell restraunt....restaraunt.....rest....ahhhhh screw it!!! DINER!!!

GunsandTacos
GunsandTacos

Rev Run Wisdom RT'sAny mention of catsExtreme political correctness Copycats

Mydance39
Mydance39

Your plans for laser hair removal and a list of your overly hairy body parts.

Chance McClain
Chance McClain

Anything that ends in -ville can go climb a tree. It's ban-city when I see those.

G-hana
G-hana

We need more intoxicated updates.

Championshipvinyl73
Championshipvinyl73

Work out updates! I could give a shit if you just ran 6 miles after your spin or Zumba class!! You have been doing this shit for 2 years now and are still 80lbs overweight dammit so STFU about your GD workout and mix in a salad you fat needy bastard!!!!!....sorry, these people drive me to drink sometimes ( short drive)

guest
guest

belly out preggo pics are unacceptable

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

Is there anything about twitter to understand except it brings to mind a gaggle of faggots.

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

I would rather hear about your kid when it stars on dreamin deamon.

MadMac
MadMac

Especially when I've tactfully NOT burdened you how much I hate your #$!&ing poor-trained kid.

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

Cranks take the boredom and monotony out of life. .....It makes having a concealed weapons permit worthwhile.

truth
truth

Yeah, proper grammar and correct spelling are pretty faggy.

Idiocracy is upon us, folks.

Sfvc
Sfvc

You misspelled dinner. Jk

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

The only place I have any hair left is in my nose and I have no intention of removing it. I like people staring at me. I can give them a good snort and freak them out. God! life is good.

Jeff
Jeff

Very good one.

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

Most kids should be used for pop up moving targets.

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

Proper grammar is boring but misspelled words can be a source of great comedy.

hicusdicus
hicusdicus

Diner is the moron eating dinner in the resteraunt usually alone and surrounded by a fart cloud.

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