Pop Rocks: Matt Damon Should Totally Make That Porno He Talked About.

Categories: Art

"The InPORNant!" No?
Matt Damon has always seemed like a pretty personable guy. He comes across as pretty smart, isn't known for being a cad (poor Minnie Driver notwithstanding) or acting like a jackass in public, and generally seems like one of the few celebrities we might actually invite into our home.

Unless you're Bourne trilogy screenwriter Tony Gilroy, that is, from an excerpt of Damon's GQ interview:

[Damon] claims Gilroy originally turned in a sub-par draft of "The Bourne Ultimatum," the third film in the franchise, just to cash in on a big paycheck.

"I don't blame Tony for taking a boatload of money and handing in what he handed in. It's just that it was unreadable," Damon says. "This is a career-ender. I mean, I could put this thing up on eBay and it would be game over for that dude. It's terrible. It's really embarrassing. He was having a go, basically, and he took his money and left."

But being the good guy that he is, the Harvard drop-out felt bad about talkin' trash, and followed up with an apology phone call.

"My feelings were hurt," Damon later told the article's author. "And that's exactly why I shouldn't have said anything. This is between me and (Gilroy). So saying anything publicly is fucking stupid and unprofessional and just kind of douche-y of me."

I don't know why, but this exchange reminded me of an interview Damon did waaay back in 2004, where he said he wanted to do a "character-driven porn movie." Maybe it was that "career-ender" crack, or a reference to an "unreadable" script (like porn movies have scripts), but it got me thinking about good names for a Matt Damon "adult film."

The quote in question was this:

"What I want to do is make a character-driven porn movie. It's all going to be about the character and the porn's going to grow out of the characters and serve as character development.

"You know how movie titles get porn titles - movies that rip them off? A producer suggested that we do THE PORN IDENTITY."

Stop, you're killing me. No, I mean it, you're literally causing my premature demise. "The Porn Identity?" That's the best you could come up with? Well, allow me to take a "stab" at it.

[I removed Saving Private Ryan from consideration because Shaving Ryan's Privates already exists.]

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