Joel Osteen's Reality Show: How It Will Be If Based on Any of Six Current Shows

Categories: Television

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From the producer of Survivor.
TMZ has reported that Lakewood Church's Joel and Victoria Osteen will be the stars of a new reality show by the producer of Survivor.

"The premise of the show is that ordinary people will give up several days or longer to go on a mission with Joel Osteen, one of the most popular pastors in the world," TMZ says. "All of the missions will be in the confines of U.S. soil to 'start fixing things.'"

Sounds fun? Or sounds like some weird mix of Extreme Makeover, Supernanny and The Biggest Loser?

We think the Osteens might do better using the templates of some other reality shows. Like:

6. Real Housewives of Lakewood: The claws are out as five stiff-haired, expensively dressed women spend no time thinking about Christian theology in any but the most vague way, albeit one that emphasizes financial success.

5. Fear Factor: Various feats of strength, endurance or daring are offered. The riveting 57 seconds it takes for all but one contestant to rip off headphones and end the audiobook of Your Best Life Now makes for unforgettable TV.

4. Celebrity Big Brother: The Osteen family, when the cameras are ostensibly off and the smiles turn into snarls.

3. Dog the Bounty Hunter: Joel and Victoria go after Lakewood members who aren't donating as much to the church as they should.

2. VH1's Behind the Music: Nah, not gonna happen.

1. Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Joel spends the entirety of each episode gritting his teeth and loving the sinners but hating the sin.


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9 comments
PAM4HIM2
PAM4HIM2

JUST FOR THE RECORD I HAVE GONE ON MISSIONS TRIPS WITH LAKEWOOD FOR OVER 20 YEARS AND THEY GO ALL OVER THE WORLD TO HELP PEOPLE!! SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO GET YOUR INFO STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU START TALKING ABOUT OTHERS!!

big red
big red

The fact that Lakewood's missions are to U.S. cities to sell his books pretty well explains why it is not a church, but a self help lecture every weekend. Most real churches have missions to deprived areas where they build things, provide medical services, or feed people.

Katy
Katy

It can be a 24-hour per day channel consisting of a) Victoria counting money while b) Joel takes preexisting secular motivational speeches and adds "with God" at the end of every sentence. 

Second Baptist and the Fellowship of the Woodlands could buy all the ad time!

Chuck_Thomas51
Chuck_Thomas51

IT WILL NEVER get the ratings of American Chopper. UNLESS….. he and his son fight over Lakewood, his son goes off and starts his own thing, and Joel sues him for his 20% of his ownership in Lakewood. Then after that we see “televangelist buildoff” episodes live on Daystar & TBN television. Only question is….who would play Jesse James part…..Benny Hinn, Kenneth Copeland, Jesse Duplantis? Now I’d watch that!!!!

MadMac
MadMac

@1, yeah, that's why he'd be "gritting his teeth" and what he'd be "loving," sure.

Evan
Evan

Will they show the show on the Lakewood jumbotron as it is being filmed? How meta. 

Corey
Corey

Hate captain smiley and his b-grade motivational speaker rhetoric.. Way to sell Christianity you tool..

Katy
Katy

Who are you talking to and why are you yelling?

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