Janet Jackson's Nipple Just Fine to View, Federal Judges Rule

Categories: Courts

You may not remember who played in the 2004 Super Bowl here in Houston, but you no doubt recall the earthshaking fallout from a brief glimpse of Janet Jackson's covered-up nipple at halftime.

Justin Timberlake, the cad, ripped open Jackson's shirt to reveal the nip, thus dooming millions of impressionable schoolkids into a life of depravity.

Luckily, we had the George W. Bush administration in office, and they knew just what to do, fining CBS $550,000 for the assault on decency.

A federal appeals panel later threw out the fine, but the Supreme Court asked the panel to reassess whether the Federal Communications Commission could indeed levy the fine in light of subsequent rulings.

The panel reconsidered, and today they came back and said they got it right the first time.

The FCC "arbitrarily and capriciously departed from its prior policy excepting fleeting broadcast material" in assessing the fine, the panel ruled.

Plus, you didn't even see much nip, goddammit, they didn't add.

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After that Super Bowl, I didn't have to explain to my kids what a nipple is. I did however have to deflect "erectile dysfunction" questions from the 9 Viagra and Cialis commercials that aired during the same game. So the Bush administration approves of getting hard via chemical stimulation, just not visual stimulation??


Too bad they didn't rule on this in 1984, when I still wanted to SEE Janet Jackson's nipple.

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