Southern Baptists Might Change Their Name: Five Options

Categories: Whatever

Taking nominations.
Our willingness to keep up with the inner workings of the Southern Baptist Convention is easily taxed, so we're thankful Houston Chronicle religion writer Kate Shelnutt is there to pick up the banner.

She points us to the Baptist News, whose subscription we really meant to renew, once we actually ordered it and let it lapse, which says the Southern Baptist Convention might be looking for a name change.

As in losing the "Southern."

First they came for the Kentucky in Kentucky Fried Chicken...

"First, the convention's name is so regional," Southern Baptist Convention President Bryant Wright said. "With our focus on church planting, it is challenging in many parts of the country to lead churches to want to be part of a convention with such a regional name. Second, a name change could position us to maximize our effectiveness in reaching North America for Jesus Christ in the 21st century."

Hiding the "Southern" in "Southern Baptist"....well, like we said, in a world with "KFC" anything is possible.

So what are some potential names?

5. SBC
Lo, and a Kentucky Fried Chicken shall leadeth the way. Plus it already comes with a cool logo:


4. The Cosmopolitan, Sophisticated Baptist Convention
Lose the hickness! Plus, going from SBC to CSBC makes the transition easy!!

3. The Born-Aginners
Don't lose the hickness!! It's who you are!!

2. The PBWAW
Stands for the Parts of the Bible We Agree With. No need to mess with all those other parts, you know.

1. The Republican Party
But hey, you're inclusive -- you love the Tea Party, too.

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Ken Bailey
Ken Bailey

How about - 

Sinner lovin’

Adonai honoring



Truth humbled and saved

Sharers of all they have.


How about "The Klan?" Or is that already taken?

Jim C
Jim C

How about Hateful Narrow-Minded Bigot Convention?  Or would that be too much truth in advertising?


The Southern Baptists are America's biggest downers. They're both a buzzkill and an anchor holding the rest of us back.

If you were trapped on a deserted island with a Southern Baptist and 5 other people, you'd be forced to kill and eat the Southern Baptist on the very first day in order to have any hope of ever getting off the island. They're America's equivalent of fucking Gilligan - but without the loveable antics or propensity to get magenetized.


Hahaha. Good shit right here. 

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