Pop Rocks: Andy Rooney Is Retiring. You Won't Miss Him.

Categories: Art

His elbow was always firmly planted on the pulse of American culture.
If a crabby, unpleasant nonagenarian who ceased being relevant 20 years ago retires from broadcasting, does the collective sigh of relief make a sound?

Andy Rooney will announce on Sunday's "60 Minutes" that it will be his last regular appearance on the newsmagazine. Rooney, 92, has been featured on the program since 1978.

Sunday's appearance will be Rooney's 1097th original essay for "60 Minutes," and will be preceded by a segment in which Rooney looks back on his career in an interview with Morley Safer, CBS News said.

I'd be lying if I said I've ever been a fan of his weekly bitchery. His first book, A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney, made its way into our house at some point in the early '80s and even then I found myself puzzled, and somewhat intrigued, that a person could fashion a career out of doing nothing but complaining.

I guess in one way, he was something of an inspiration.

Whatever insights Rooney offered when he first started his segments lo these many years ago have been long forgotten amidst almost two decades of commentary that made my Midwestern uncles sound like Joel Stein.

Here are a few choice examples.

Andy Doesn't Like A Lot Of Popular Music

"I think of myself as a musical ignoramus."

In which our fearless pundit trumpets his ignorance of Lady Gaga while calling young people out for never having heard of Ella Fitzgerald. I doubt he remembers the cultural critics who lamented the fact the young Andy Rooneys of the world weren't paying enough respect to Jelly Roll Morton.

My [Great Grand-] Kid Could Paint That

"I'm one of those know-nothing boobs."

Is there anything that makes you sound like more of a doofus than admitting you don't "get" art? It's the cultural commenter's equivalent of jokes about airline food.

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I remember one segment in which he told a story about counting the number of peanuts in a can of mixed nuts. (Yeah, he took an unequivocally dull activity and turned it into an ever duller story.) He admitted that it sounded boring, but he asked his viewers, "What did you do with your Saturday night?"

Not fucking that.

"Long storyshort... is a phrase whose origins are complicated and rambling." - Abe Simpson


Rather watch him instead of that ding dong in the White House.

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Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. You shoulda been a dog Andy.


he gave voice to the collective-unconscious, luddite tendencies that exist in many folks. the rest of us were hypnotized by the eyebrows that threatened to slowly take over his face.

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