Eight Businesses We Expect Will Be Getting Custom Texas License Plates Soon

Categories: Whatever

4. Brown Hand Center

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Dr. Michael Brown has suffered some devastating setbacks over the past few years. He pled no contest to assaulting one previous wife, was accused of assaulting his currently estranged wife and assaulted television viewers with his extremely creepy commercials featuring his bountiful progeny. This has made it tough for Doc Brown to promote his business and see patients. Well, technically, he can't see patients in Texas since he had his license revoked, but you get the idea. We recommend a stylish and professional license plate theme to boost his image. When she's old enough, maybe "daddy's little girl" will even get one.

3. McDonald's

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As ubiquitous as the golden arches and their incessantly catchy ad jingles may be, McDonald's sometimes gets a bad rap for selling fatty food that isn't as reasonably priced as some may think. With the number of obese people in America skyrocketing, the fast-food giant needs to do something to beef up its flagging image and it ain't the McSalad. Imagine a beautiful McDonald's license plate on the back of an SUV carrying a morbidly obese couple and their overweight kids. With no one able to see past the tinted windows, it's a win win for Mickey D's. 

2. Pfizer

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If you like football, and we do, you've seen your share of Viagra commercials. Whether it is the guy throwing a football through a tire swing (subtle) before banging his hot young wife in a swath of flowing linen curtains, or a bunch of gradually graying middle-aged dudes playing some down-home blues rock in an old shack on the edge of town (nothing says manly like a National Dobro), Pfizer thinks it knows how best to reach its impotent customers. But what if it had a beautiful Texas license plate its manly clients could bolt to the back of a Ford Dually? Now, that's a rock-hard penis mobile!

1. Hooters

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Speaking of erections, one of America's most well known, not-quite-a-strip-club, restaurant chains, Hooters, provides stimulation to millions of red-blooded American men with its chicken wings and hot chick waitresses. You would think a company like this wouldn't need anything more than women with prodigious assets in tank tops and short shorts to get drooling men in off the street. But, walking the line between competing with strippers and sports bars is complicated. What it needs is the Hooters name on every mid-life-crisis muscle car and blue-collar work truck in Texas, and there is no better way to do that than with a license plate. Now, that's hot.


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6 comments
ex-ARCO guy
ex-ARCO guy

Liked the BP tag, but just a slight correction that even Obama missed: BP hasn't been called British Petroleum since the Amoco merge back in 98-99!  Britsh Petroleum is not in its legal title, it's BP, PLC.

Jeff
Jeff

Just for you. :)

Jeff
Jeff

I know, right?

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