Pop Rocks: The 5 Prayers We Didn't Hear at Perry's Rally

Categories: Art

Rick Perry has forgotten the riddle of steel.
As you may be aware, Governor Rick Perry held a prayer rally last Saturday at Reliant Stadium. Dubbed "The Response" (and redubbed "Prayerapalooza" by some, or "Reliant's Preseason Concession Test Run" by us just now), the event attracted some 30,000 folks drawn by Perry's call to pray for "a nation in crisis."

I was forced to skip the rally due to a brain cloud, but our own Craig Hlavaty has written about the event in detail. Craig's coverage was thoughtful and came from a very personal place, so of course he was pilloried for it, both by those who felt he wasn't hard enough on the alleged hypocrisy of the organizers and those predetermined to assume a writer from the Press would make light of the proceedings with a surfeit of sarcasm and smart-assery.

Which is where I come in.

Prayer is all well and good (assuming you're praying for a cure for cancer or an end to hardship and not, say, that the Cowboys beat the spread), but it's hard to counter the assertions made by some that the tone of the rally was pretty generic, from a prayer variety standpoint. I'm just here to offer some more choices.

George Carlin's Prayer
Carlin had a lot of prayers. His Hail Mary for when you're falling out of a truck ("Ha-men") is a favorite, but probably would've fallen flat in Perry's distinctly non-Catholic gathering. Personally, I like his pre-show prayer (which includes a request that God help him find "a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership"), but there's no denying his prayer dedicated to the separation of church and state might have been a little more meaningful last weekend:

Our Father
who art in Heaven
and to the Republic
for which it stands
Thy Kingdom come
One Nation, indivisible
as it is in Heaven

Give us this day
as we forgive those
who so proudly we hail
And crown thy good
into temptation
but deliver us from the twilight

Perry would have gotten a 30-minute standing O for that.

Clark Griswold's Prayer For Aunt Edna
Now *this* is the kind of inclusiveness we can all get behind:

O God, ease our suffering in this, our moment of great dispair. Yea, admit this kind and decent woman into thy arms of thine heavenly area, up there. And Moab, he lay us upon the band of the Canaanites, and yea, though the Hindus speak of karma, I implore you: give her a break.

Something for everyone, right? Well, except the Westboro Baptist folks. Fuck those guys anyway.

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