The Rightwing Attack Ads Coming Against Rick Perry

Rick Perry is generally not a man to be out-rightwinged, but he may see an attempt in the GOP primary.

He'll keep citing his Limbaugh-Tea Party bona fides, but there are ways for opponents to put doubt, if not fear, into the hearts of voters considering him.

Here's how four attack ads from the right might look:

4. Gay Marriage

Open with grainy slow-motion footage of two leathermen kissing each other passionately. Mingle in shots of every flamboyant drag queen and twink you can find. (Don't show lesbians, because everyone likes to watch lesbians.)
VOICE-OVER [with a special sneer on the first two words]: New York passed a law saying homosexual marriage is legal. [Inset name of your candidate] says marriage is a sacred institution intended for one man and one woman. But what did Rick Perry say when he was asked about New York's law? "That's fine with me." Gay marriage is just fine with Rick Perry? Well, he did endorse Rudy Giuliani for president in 2008 [Show clip from this:]

Happy sixth-graders? Not in Rick Perry's world
3. The highway boondoggle

VOICE-OVER: [Ominous music and grainy footage of money being printed] Government spending is out of control. Our debt grows higher and higher while free-spending politicians keep voting for massive wasteful projects. Like Rick Perry. At a time when family budgets are strained to the limit, Perry proposed a $200 BILLION highway boondoggle that would have taken land from Texas farmers [Show footage of sad Great Depression farm moms being escorted off their property] and money from every taxpayer's wallet. Now Rick Perry says he's all for cutting government spending, but can we trust him?

2. The sex fiend

Lovingly framed and brightly colored shots of carefree sixth-graders enjoying the innocent games and giggles of youth as vaguely cheerful music plays.
VOICE-OVER (must be folksy voice): Young Texas girls entering sixth grade have a lot on their minds: Schoolwork, the latest hit TV show and maybe whether cute little Jimmy in the third row might just take her to the ice cream social. But not in Rick Perry's Texas.
[Ominous music as the footage switches to black and white.]

VOICE-OVER (must have the deepest pipes in the business): Rick Perry wants Texas schoolgirls to have sex. He signed a law mandating that every girl in the state get vaccinated with Gardasil, a substance that some say increases promiscuity. [Show blog comments that make that claim, highlighting "sex" and "promiscuity" as much as possible.] Rick Perry. [Show photo of touchingly worried little girl.] Tell him folks in Iowa [or New Hampshire, etc.] prefer not to have the kids forced to have sex by government decree.

1. The border pussy

The usual stock footage of dirty, stinking aliens crossing the border.
VOICE-OVER: America is in a border war. Hordes of illegals cross into this country with impunity. Visionary patriots like Arizona Governor Jan Brewer decided to do something about it, and implemented tough but fair new laws that respected the rights of Americans but made sure illegals were dealt with swiftly.

What did Rick Perry think of Arizona's bold new plan? He said "it would not be the right direction for Texas." He [incredulous voice] even said he was against it because it might "turn law enforcement officers into immigration officials." Aren't law enforcement officials supposed to enforce the law? If Rick Perry had his way, your neighborhoods would soon be overrun with illegal aliens laughing at powerless police. Police who might want to do something about it, but Rick Perry tells them no. Tell Rick Perry no on Election Day.

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Blaze Hauser
Blaze Hauser

Every time I hear about these social conservatives telling me what i can and cant fornicate with while smoking in a restaurant and mainlining meth/transfats, all I can think to myself is "Will Sie totalkrieg gehabt?"


R. Connelly: genius.

Blaze Hauser
Blaze Hauser

Sadly my german is becoming rusty, while the spanish and portuguese are still strong. Anyone know of any good german meetup groups?

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