What Do You Mean You Haven't Seen Deathly Hallows Part 2 Yet?

Categories: Pop Rocks

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"You can't wait until the 2nd week...grosses will drop 60%!"
Well, that was quick:

"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2" set another debut mark Monday by racking up $481.5 million in worldwide receipts, a media report said Monday.

The film -- the last of eight "Potter" installments -- took in $312.3 million internationally, $5 million more than expected, the Hollywood Reporter wrote in its online editions. Domestic receipts for the movie's premiere were adjusted to $169.2 million, slightly higher than the

Distributed by Time Warner Inc.'s Warner Bros. Pictures, the domestic take for "Deathly Hallows" also was a new record, beating "The Dark Knight's" $158.4 million set in 2008.

"Deathly Hallows" is expected to be the first "Potter" film to clear $1 billion in worldwide box office.

To put that in more easily comprehensible terms: take a one-dollar bill, now imagine one billion of them. That's a billion dollars.

All weekend long, our Facebooks and Twitters and MySpaces (ha ha) were blowing up with updates about midnight showings and family outings to see the final installment in the Harry Potter saga. However, I was unable to share in their joy, for I am apparently the last person alive who hasn't seen Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.

Now now, don't cry for me, Azkaban. The night of last week's media screening, I was (reportedly) drinking inadvisable numbers of martinis at Donovan's in downtown San Diego. And this past weekend, there was just too much post-vacay crap going on to realistically try to peel myself away.

"So why don't you just buy a ticket, you freaking crybaby?" Good question, and I have a two-part answer. The first part is also the easiest: I loathe going to the movies (and have said so before). Promo screenings are bad enough, with local media chuckleheads subjecting their captive audience to aggravating trivia contests in which the winners are "awarded," not with swag from the actual movie they'll be seeing, but a T-shirt/Koozie/hat from the radio station in question. What a bargain.

But hey, at least there's legitimate security around to throw out the serial texters and chattering homunculoids who are so self-absorbed with their fascinating conversation they don't even realize the lights have gone down and it's now time to shut the fuck up. So forget the general public; they scare the crap out of me.

More than that, however, is my inability to justify burning a free evening going to see a movie I'm not reviewing. I have three kids, and leaving my, uh, sainted wife with them more frequently than that usual weekly screening is a rare event. That isn't to say we don't go out as a couple on occasion, but I have to be judicious in my solo (or "dude") nights, especially if I'm meeting male friends I sometimes don't see for months on end. Babysitters? A precious commodity, reserved for special occasions.

And never mind that my wife already saw Deathly Hallows Part 2 at a midnight screening last Friday.

So anyway, I really didn't have much of a choice. The vacation was planned long in advance, as such things are when multiple rugrats have to be accounted for. My oldest daughter's summer camp took place last week, and the twins were being carted off to my sister's. Arrangements with friends in San Diego had already been made months before word of the Deathly Hallows screening came out, though I'd be lying if I said I didn't look at the summer release schedule and have a pretty good idea I'd be SOL.

Why, oh why couldn't my daughter's camp have been the week the Arthur remake came out? Well, because that wasn't summer, stupid...but why not the second week of June, thereby sparing me Green Lantern? Or the week of July 1, the better to miss Larry Crowne? Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming Deathly Hallows Part 2 is great cinema, but after sitting through all seven of the previous films, I need closure, dammit.

And I hate being left out. It all goes back to childhood, when I was the last kid to see Empire Strikes Back. I guess the only thing to do now is try and spin it like I'm deliberately avoiding the movie, same as I did with Avatar.

Heh, that sure showed 'em.



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9 comments
Sirkissa
Sirkissa

I haven't seen it yet, I'm waiting to buy the dvd. I have all the books and films. Some times I watch them after reading about man's inhumanity to man just to cleanse my brain.

HC
HC

I haven't seen ANY of the Harry Potter movies and never read ANY of the Harry Potter books.  I have never seen Avatar and have no interest in seeing it.

I'm 24 and I only knew two or three people in my classes that have read it in high school.

Dudley "Booger" Dawson
Dudley "Booger" Dawson

I have yet to see a movie or read a book from this.  When I want wizards and goblins I'll go with Tolkein.  Every.  Time.

Megan
Megan

You know, I haven't seen HP 7.2 either.  (I always want to call it 7.5, but that's another story.)  My husband and I agreed that we would see it around our anniversary, which is this week.  Well, I'm working 7 days a week right now and he has a final to do, so it may not be until August now.  So it's not for NOT wanting to see it (because I was very tempted to buy a ticket last weekend), but because this is my anniversary date, dammit!  We agreed to see it together!

Harry
Harry

You are deliberately avoiding the movie? The last ever Harry Potter movie.. and you're avoiding it? Why on earth would anyone want to avoid that movie?! Harry Potter has defined this generation, and has intrigued every other. It's a fantastic climax, a MUST SEE for ALL.

Pathisalways
Pathisalways

"To put that in more easily comprehensible terms: take a one-dollar bill, now imagine one billion of them. That's a billion dollars."thats the dumbest shit Ive ever read.

Fia
Fia

Um...you know its for kids, right?  Harry Potter started out as a book for small children and...well, its for kids. its not fantastic, it has not defined anything but it might be the most overrated piece of crap in modern history. Wake up, its a kiddy book, who cares.

Mike
Mike

It's Harry POTTER!!  How old are you?  Jesus! Who gives a crap?  "Defined this generation"?  Really? I am 34, I promise you it didn't define shit for me.

Sirkissa
Sirkissa

Well I must be a kid at heart because I'm 53 and I love the books and films. But Tolkien is my hero.

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