Thank You, Lord: Dan Patrick May Run for Senate

DanPatrick052811.jpg
God is on line two, with a campaign contribution.
If you take as a given -- which you should -- that it's going to be awhile before a moderate ever gets elected to the U.S. Senate from Texas, then you want your troglodyte senatorial candidates to be as entertainingly fringe as possible.

So look with a smile upon this morning's news that our very own state Senator Dan Patrick, R-Tea Party, is forming an exploratory committee to enter the race to replace Kay Bailey Hutchison.

We assume the exploratory committee consists solely of God, who seems to get all the credit (or blame, as it were) for anything Patrick does.

More than a decade ago, we profiled Patrick and his transformation from sportscaster clown who painted himself Columbia Blue to a Jesus-driven rightwing talkshow host.

His religious fervor got so intense he eventually left KPRC for the greener, preaching-to-the-tinier-but-more-fervent pastures of KSEV. And eventually, of course, the state Senate.

We look forward to debates on how airport security patdowns are reminiscent of the Civil War, and how Obama is secretly planning to hand over American sovereignty to a Muslim cabal of U.N. bureaucrats.

Again, no one is going to be a moderate in this race on the GOP side. KBH proved how well that works in her disastrous gubernatorial race.

So let's sit back and watch as Republicans try to outdo themselves in being even more Tea Party than the others. Break out the "Don't Tread On Me" flags and crank up the Jesus references, boys!!!

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44 comments
Mark
Mark

The Consevatives are nuts? Wow you people should listen to what your saying!

Mel Sharkskin
Mel Sharkskin

When I think of Dan Patrick, all I see is his giant foam cowboy hat, which he wore proudly on-air. That one icon pretty well tells everything there is to know about him. But yes, he should be fun for a while.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

Have republicans totally wigged out? I'm guessing they are all waiting for the rapture and are bound and determined to elect likeminded nutcases like themselves to help hurry it along. 

Tony77019
Tony77019

Dan Patrick is doing his part to throw Texas public education in the toilet and ensure Texas remains the capital of minimum wage jobs. He also is going to be known as the abortion king of Texas as his cuts to social services, especially family planning, always result in more abortions. Dan Patrick is not very smart or he would have realized that. He is a charade and a buffoon. He might as well paint himself in red now.www.houstonisdwatch.com

Dude!!
Dude!!

This is exactly who the knuckle-draggers in rural Texas bumfuck want in a Senator--an egotistical jackass who uses emotional rhetoric rather than reason.  This guy wrote a book entitled "The Second Most Important Book You'll Ever Read," and defended his child molester friend Jon Matthews, because a "good Christian" like Matthews would NEVER expose himself to a little girl.  Patrick should have stuck to alcoholism, because he was better at drinking than legislating.

craig
craig

Those are some fine toofs!  Like looking a winning horse in the mouf.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Can't forget about Perry looking to run for president. Because as we all know the nation is totally going to elect another Republican from Texas. The last time it happened it just went so damn well, didn't it?

Colormesilly
Colormesilly

Gov. Goodhair running for President amuses me because I haven't lost faith in the country as a whole.  This guy running for Senate terrifies me because I think he might actually win if he runs in TX.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

You have already seceded from rational thought, why not?

Evan
Evan

I sure wish hispanics would actually turn out to vote. 

Anse
Anse

I patiently yet eagerly await the day when Latinos outnumber Anglos sufficiently enough to render the angry-white-rightwinger vote moot. And when that day comes, all the wackjob immigrant-bashing we're seeing today is going to haunt these nuts. There will be hell to pay.

AtaboyLuther
AtaboyLuther

Palin running for President; Patrick for Senate.  Isn't it comforting to witness the best and brightest still aspiring to political office?

Amgems
Amgems

He actually would do less damage to Texas, its women and its school system as a U.S. Senator than he has as a state senator.

On the other hand, I heard he applied at Baylor School of Medicine as a sonogram machine operator, in order to put his nose where his legislation is, should his bid fall short.

JB
JB

Aren't you concerned he might actually, you know, win?  Texas seems to love his brand of crazy.

big red
big red

The Republican Primary will outdraw anything that Comedy Central could produce. You writers will have it soooo easy, since their campaigns will write the humor columns for you.

Mark
Mark

Kay was a RINO! Useless! Dan has conviction! Great guy! He has my vote!

RickG
RickG

You mean like the last two-plus years?  Please go check the unemployment rate, value of the dollar, price of gasoline and our current debt and get back to us.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

That's rich from a guy whose screen name is the sound of leaking air.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. We don't want you here anyway.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

Thanks for proving Latinos vote for their own kind. How bigoted.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

ANTI-immigrant bashing. Get it right for once in your life.

Jhend170
Jhend170

Yep sure would hate to beat someone out of their right to ignore the law.  Maybe the murderers, rapists, con artists and other law-breakers should start their complaining and marching too.  I can see it now... child molesters carrying signs with kids pictures on them griping about being treated unfairly just because they ALREADY broke the law and people want them to, you know, OBEY it and stuff.  How I pity them and their, uh, rights?

VamosATexas
VamosATexas

Just what we need... Mexican style politics.

RickG
RickG

Dan Patrick has a fair amount of dectractors among conservatives.  He acts too often on emotion and ends up pimping feel-good nanny state proposals.  He often is not so much conservative as he is reactionary.  He is prone to fits of pique and bullies other politicians by threatening to unload on them via his radio stations.  He has not matured much as a legislator because the power has gone to his head.  He is inconsistent and now licks Perry's boots after once denouncing him.  He rant as an outsider but is now proud of his insider status.  He is a potential Huey Long of Texas, except I don't think he could generate support of that magnitude across the state.

One thing he conceivably could do is drag the GOP into an intramural war and give the Dems an opening.

Pdevine
Pdevine

So, will he write T. Jefferson out of the Library of Congress like he applauded. The SBOE for doing? Many former leaders had conviction but were poisonous for the best interest of the country. He perverts Christianity for his own agenda. Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing.

Wyatt
Wyatt

I had no idea someone could generate so little substance from three, or possibly five, sentences.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

Suffering from head up ass syndrome, hmm? Please go check WHEN the recession started and WHEN the big BAILOUT started....summer of 2008. Yeah, when that idiot YOU idiot republicans elected to be president did his swansong middle finger salute to the United States. Dubya started with a bang...9/11 and ended with a headlong rush over the cliff....and the seditious republicans helped ALL the way.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Funny how you left out Iraq and Afghanistan. And by funny I mean tragic and a perfect example as to what certain people care about, lives or money.I am also fond of the way that eight years of mismanagement is supposed to be fixed in such a short period of time. Its almost as if people only want immediate gratification and have an aversion to hard work and patience.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

Nothing of the kind, fool...they just won't vote for the guys who like to dress up in white hoods...you know...your kind.

H_e_x
H_e_x

I like how white people are the first to complain about "race cards." Maybe it has something to do with never having to face discrimination because of the color of their skin. Just a thought.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

ILLEGAL immigrant

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

Oh a republican equating immigration to theft, murder aand rape again? Yawn... keep shovelin' that rightwing AM hate radio bullshit, you hapless fool.

Anse
Anse

You should practice typing apeshit rants like this in Spanish. You're probably going to need it. Until then, wrap your mind around this little factoid: our Latino brethren think you rightwingers are a lot of bigots. Will you attempt to change their perception, or will you just keep on screaming like slightly retarded children over the inevitable?

Anse
Anse

Mexican? They aren't Mexicans. They're Americans.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

To ahem...you have some nerve accusing Obama/Biden of being born on third. Are you totally devoid of any guilt of electing a republican coke and booze addled frat boy as President in 2000? 

You wingers have a societal death wish and expect everyone to jump on board as you head over the cliff. 

Sorry, you fools can take that trip on your own. Bon Voyage, mouthbreather.

Ahem
Ahem

Born on third, Obama-Biden think they hit a triple in Iraq. Biden and Obama said that the surge would never work and that the ONLY way for peace was a three state solution. How's that working out for them? Nixon put a man on the moon unlike JFK and LBJ by your accounting.

SoSezYou
SoSezYou

No doubt you are. Maybe you should head back to 1936 Germany. 

Anse
Anse

Acknowledging reality isn't playing any card. But I am talking to somebody who probably thinks Democrats are all racists because we happen to have more Latinos, blacks, and Jews in our party. Just remember: for rightwingers, the only way you can prove you aren't racist is to always vote for the white guy.

PFFFFT
PFFFFT

Anse has a brand new deck of race cards. Awww how cute!

Cabrone
Cabrone

White People Suck and are not cool period.  Mexicans and all other shades of latino kick f'ing ass!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dude!!
Dude!!

 Ahem, funny how it's not ok for Mexicans to have dual loyalties, but if some person places the national interest of Israel ahead of the US's raison d'etat, they're a real American somehow.

How about if you place the national interest of another country above that of the US, you are a a traitor to this country?  I guess it's ok to have divided or slanted loyalties to another country, as long as you're not brown.  If you're brown we need to ship you back.

Ahem
Ahem

Americans who happen to vote in two countries elections, America and Mexico. Can't have divided loyalty and call yourself an American.

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