Five Texas Sluts Worth Admiring

Categories: Texas

SlutWalk Houston is right around the corner, and we've decided to celebrate, (Hair) Balls out. In case you're not familiar with the march, SlutWalk was born of a Toronto police officer's comment that women should avoid "dressing like sluts" in order not to be raped. It's a chance to stop the cycle of victim-blaming when it comes to rape, and possibly to strip a dirty word of its sting by owning it as only true sluts can.

Here's an homage to our five favorite Texans who took a stand through the name of sluttiness.

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Joanne Webb was caught selling sex toys red-handed.
5. Joanne Webb
Not long ago, the vibrating faux phallus hidden in your sock drawer was considered an enemy of the state. It was illegal in Texas to sell, give, or even lend a dildo or other sex toy to a vagina in need. All the way until 2008!

Joanne Webb didn't let a frigid little law get in her way of spreading the joy of self-loving to Texas housewives. The Burleson mother (and Baptist) was a rep for Passion Parties, the sex-toy version of Tupperware parties. In 2003, two undercover cops busted her whoredom wide open when they posed as a couple that wanted to recharge their sex life. Webb sold them a vibrator, told them how to use it and was arrested on the spot. Though later acquitted, her case helped unlock the Texas chastity belt that led to the law's repeal.

So every time you reach for your butt plug, say a silent thanks to Webb. Her gospel of sluttiness penetrated far, deep and wide into the dark and cavernous yawn of Texas decency.

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FWISD: Barely legal.

4. Fort Worth Independent School District
Everybody raised in Texas knows that sexuality is a switch that flips on at the altar, resulting in clean and controlled copulation later that night and at several other times in the course of a life. Before saying "I do," sex is sinful and shameful and causes you to die. If you believe in God, you will not get an STD. Don't even ask what happens to the homosexuals.

So found a 2009 study, more or less, conducted by two professors of health education at Texas State University. The study, called "Just Say Don't Know," surveyed almost 1,000 Texas school districts to figure out what our children are learning about sex.

The results aren't pretty. Only four percent of Texas school districts teach anything beyond abstinence-only, it found. The other 96 percent? Well, here's one e-mail response from Evant Independent School District:

[We are] a small school with 301 students in grades PK to 12. Most of these kids live on a farm or have animals they feed and care for. They get a pretty good sex education from their animals.

(And that was just one of several "our animals teach sex better than we can" replies.)

Though they can be counted on less than one hand, there are a few oases of slutty school districts. Fort Worth ISD, the study found, offers one of the only comprehensive sex education districts in the state. Yes, abstinence is still the prescribed way of boning. But the district's School Health Advisory Council (SHAC) also mandates that schools provide "relevant and necessary information regarding other means of contraception and disease prevention in a thoughtful and non-judgmental way," according to a document from the group. Fort Worth's SHAC meets often, the study found, and members are required to keep up-to-date on legal and health issues.

Sounds pretty slutty schoolgirl to us.


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8 comments
jay
jay

damn the Rick Perry nominee is whack!  Even up here in Wisconsin I/we heard about his financial connections to the company making the Vaccine!  WEAK "reporting".  some of the effects(some call them side effects) were, like most crazy chemicals, horrible too...

FUBAR, pick rerry don't care about kids, unless their "donating"(up here in these parts I/we call em bribes) to him! It's ALL about the money$, not pub(l)ic safety!!!

Rhonda Hare
Rhonda Hare

~ I love the plight of Joanne Webb. She made things SO much better for us in the field!

I once did a Passion Party in Huntsville for a group of cops/state troopers. They were actually a fun group & made fun of the people who arrested her. (Heh!) Side note: A couple of months later a friend & I were coming back from Dallas & were pulled over by one of the troopers that was at that party. Too bad confidentiality stated that we didn't know each other...  my friend still got the ticket. I also have a story about a Passion Party I did at a club. It was late in the presentation (toy-time!). The club was raided. They were looking for underage drinking, but I just knew I was in trouble. All was well, but they were really embarrassed, and it was awesome! LoL!

Doug-g
Doug-g

" Female condoms are the first female-initiated method of birth control"

Really? Ever heard of diaphragms, anti-spermicidal sponges, birth control pills, IUDs?

JB
JB

Abstinence-based sex-ed is the equivalent of an illiteracy-based literature curriculum. 

kylejack
kylejack

Nice. I would add John Geddes Lawrence, the Houston man who was arrested in 1998 for sodomy and took his case all the way to the Supreme Court where the statute was struck down.

leighjphelps
leighjphelps

There is no doubt that we should better build schoolrooms for “ the boy,” than cells and gibbets for  “the Man” learn to get a degree from "High Speed University" article in few months and get a job

Mandy Oaklander
Mandy Oaklander

 Mea culpa. I meant that FCs are one of the first female-initiated STI barriers. Thanks for pointing that out, Doug-g.

Mandy Oaklander
Mandy Oaklander

Ah yes. Thanks for adding....very worthy. The sluttiness abounds.

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