The Ten Worst Things Texas Has Given to the Modern World

Categories: Texas

Bush-FlightSuit043911.jpg
You had to be there, we guess.
3. Mark David Chapman
Fort Worth represent!!

John Lennon's killer was born in Fort Worth and, although he moved around a lot, he's still a Texas native. A Texas native who shot John Lennon.

Now, anyone who's watched Paul McCartney or Ringo Starr's increasingly desperate attempts to be something other than oldies acts might not be blamed for thinking Lennon would have gone the same route.

But we're pretty convinced that Lennon would have found a way to crack the code, or at least be interesting and surprising in his attempts to do so. So thanks, Fort Worth.

2. Urban Cowboy
Not the movie, necessarily; that remains watchable, if only to giggle at John Travolta's accent. And any film with Scott Glenn, Debra Winger and Barry Corbin is going to have its moments.

But the film unleashed a torrent of bad music, worse fashion and very, very unfortunate dancing upon the world. The only saving grace is that Texans suffered the brunt of it.

1. W
Again, not the movie, which was fairly enjoyable. Instead we mean the "hyping us into an unnecessary war against a county that didn't attack us" dude, the Man from Midland who lawyered his way to an election win and then went downhill from there.

The list of George W. Bush's failures, disasters and outright taxpayer giveaways to the world's richest is long. He came into office with a balanced budget, and handed his predecessor an economic crisis, debt and deficits we're still trying to recover from.

And remember, he got the opportunity to do this because he had "proven" he could work in a bipartisan manner as governor of Texas. So even though he was a rich preppy WASP who went to the toniest East Coast schools, we as a state have to take the blame for him.

All we can say, world and America, is that for George W. Bush, and the rest of this list, we are heartily sorry.

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92 comments
BobDobalina
BobDobalina

Except for your designation as "number 1", I might disagree with a couple on your list being defined as "worst", but more than this you missed (at least) two as of this writing's date:

Lance Armstrong

Rick Perry

And, since this writing, you can now add:

Ebola

But then, a "top 10 worst" might be a bit too short of a list to cover Texas. A "top 20" worst might come closer to realistic scope.

I wonder, if Texas had sided with its extremist minority at more than one opportune time in history and seceded from the Union, would we be as bad off as we now are for its connection and influence?

I, for one, would quite relish a separate/independent Nation of Texas for a series of reasons; the first being not living there and/or associated with its shame.

In fact, I think over-compensation for past crimes, positions, and individuals is a serious problem for the State in general. Just look at its history and reactionary stance? Just look at its sports programs. Yeah, no message there.

stevemagruder
stevemagruder

It's hard to disagree with much of this list as I'm from the U.S., not Texas.  Har Har
But I wonder if was written by a Texan on the verge of entering the Witness Relocation Program.  Lots of soft spots touched heah!

scott19674
scott19674

Uh, women who have had breast cancer might disagree with one of your picks, but you were too busy letting your cock run your brain to think that one through.  Shame on you.

nick5454
nick5454

Breast implants as bad? really. It's the greatest gift a girl can give a guy. You're just upset your wife has an A cup.

OD
OD

Damn this blog entry is annoying.  And I'm someone slightly left of center that voted for John Kery and Barack Obama!  But this list is not funny, amusing, or entertaining.  It's just a list of what right-wing associated things would annoy a particularly insufferable left-winger. 

Guest
Guest

wow. judging by the comments here, it's easy to assume that people in Texas have absolutely no sense of humor.

Anonymous
Anonymous

What a steaming pile of senseless hate filled vitriol.

Chary
Chary

Fucking idiot columnist. This is why papers make no money.

Shirlz23
Shirlz23

W was born in Connecticut. 

A_Caring_American
A_Caring_American

 Okay, so, what are you going to do to make up for it?  How about first you stop sabotaging all our textbooks with diluted views of history (y'know, but Thomas Jefferson back in, for one).  Then, you can stop electing dumb jerks to the House and Senate (though, not a bad job with Ron Paul).  After that, figure out a way to stop paying stipends to massively profitable oil companies.  Then, I think Texas would be absolved of its crimes. all our textbooks with diluted views of history (y'know, but Thomas Jefferson back in, for one).  Then, you can stop electing dumb jerks to the House and Senate (though, not a bad job with Ron Paul).  After that, figure out a way to stop paying stipends to massively profitable oil companies.  Then, I think Texas would be absolved of its crimes.

Ltflermy
Ltflermy

Rick Perry should top this list.

AnthonyWeinersWiener
AnthonyWeinersWiener

The Real #2 should read -

"Dick Cheney"

He fudged his "where do you live" answer so that he could be VP

(Our laws don't let BOTH the Pres & VP come from the same state)

Retnan
Retnan

 "if there was ever a more idiotic Congressional proceeding than the impeachment of Bill Clinton, we'd be hard-pressed to know what it was."

How about Clinton's tax hike or Obamacare? How about the banning of toilets with tanks that are "too big" or the banning of normal lightbulbs? Stupid libtard writer if you are a native Texan YOU should be #1 on the list.

And well done tit jobs are a good thing.

Surround me
Surround me

Regarding W.

Oh OK, if you want to forget this armadilla chasing whack job, well we'll have to. We hope he is picked up someday in a south american mountain where he will be creating some new havoc.I don't think America will recover but for decades after this hacks actions.

Concerned American
Concerned American

The writer of this article bashing Texas is about as ignorant as anyone I have seen actually honored with a column anywhere.  He wouldn't know a decent person if they filled his bonnet with feces.  Of course such an addition to his cranium would only mix with other feces he tries to pass off as brains. 

Gues
Gues

 This article is hilarious, but I can't help but notice, that for saying this EXACT same thing, the Dixie Chicks were completely crucified!  

Wynck
Wynck

It's "successor," not "predecessor."

Please retire soon. 

Heldt666
Heldt666

Make that 11 terrible things, you forgot GW Bush.

PATCHINR3
PATCHINR3

THE BIGGEST ONE U LEFT OUT THE DALLAS COWBOYS 

Krayerd
Krayerd

The Houston Press, no doubt a Democratic bastion inside the Republican controlled state of Texas. Can't we just get over "W" and move on, and I don't mean move on .org either. 

Neo Conned
Neo Conned

You left out the worst of them all: Texas textbooks. Without them, who would know that Adam and Eve were Christians and rode dinosaurs to church!

Steph
Steph

Add to list: Houston Press' "10 Hottest Female Sex Offenders."

Katherine J Smith-1
Katherine J Smith-1

 It's funny that in the W section you misused the word "predecessor". Plus, you forgot to mention UT and Mack Brown.

Suburbob
Suburbob

My God, all you lefties are nothing but a bunch of hateful IDIOTS.

Anescpl1
Anescpl1

Houston press = liberal garbage that promotes prostitution of immigrants in it's classifieds

Kykendahl88_1
Kykendahl88_1

note to the Chron, get rid of Richard Connelly before he hurts the paper even more.

chef504
chef504

I am furious that the TABC was no mentioned in this list of TexASS' social contributions. We still can't purchase liquor after 9p.m, Sundays or beer before noon. This state puts on this rough and tumble persona while being hamstrung at every term by the morally stupid. Seems the ones that make policies are told what to do by a bunch of whining crying bitching church ladies. Oh, and for the record" W" is and always will be a transplant douche bag.

ftexas
ftexas

Look what happened to the Dixie Chicks

Dude!!!
Dude!!!

It's a myth that JFK never would have gotten us involved in Vietnam. He stepped up aid to South Vietnam and had Ngo Dinh Diem assassinated.

Reg
Reg

How can you hand something to your predecessor? Your smugness can't mask your failure to command basic verbiage.

Alan8
Alan8

Couldn't agree more!!!

Ernesto
Ernesto

Predictable soft-left pablum.

Will
Will

@OD 

 I loved the list. And you can say youre "left of center" all you want, but the world knows the truth. But thanks for saying that Mark David Chapman is right-wing!

miss_msry
miss_msry

And what exactly is so humorous about the assassination of a President?

frank_0888
frank_0888

     True, but this fake texan claims to be one.  He is though, a true dumb-stump hillbilly who very much qualifies to his claim.

Maggie_May
Maggie_May

You had me until you started saying good things about Ron Paul.....

A_Caring_American
A_Caring_American

Okay... that posted strangely incoherent.  Wish I could edit it, but there doesn't seem to be a button to let me do that.  :( 

stevemagruder
stevemagruder

@Retnan So, Texas wants us to waste enormous energy through the use of incandescents, too?  Make that a bonus!

JC92
JC92

Idiot. Read #1!

Randy
Randy

We can get over "W" just as soon as we finish cleaning up the mess he made.  So far, this country is still cleaning up after him. 

Lefty
Lefty

 There is nothing more caring than a person who, instead of making arguments, calls people little names.

nhunter1
nhunter1

And your point would be....?

Gaspar Ramsey
Gaspar Ramsey

Why don't you go read a comic book, er, excuse me, I mean "graphic novel". More your speed.

stevemagruder
stevemagruder

@doctor_dakYes, they are.  Lefties like things natural, you know, like their food.  :)   (and those make great food too if they aren't filled with silicone)

derekrmendoza
derekrmendoza

@miss_msry Garfield's assassination is kinda funny. Maybe it's one of those "You had to be there" sort of laughs. 

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