Our San Jacinto Quiz, Including Silk Underwear, Syphilis and Dennis Quaid
Today marks the 175th anniversary of the Battle of San Jacinto, the glorious day when a ragtag Texan army surprised a siesta-enjoying Mexican force and won independence for the Lone Star State.
Good thing he wasn't named Sam Schnackenpfefferhausen
The battle, fought near present-day Refinery Row out Pasadena way, has become the stuff of legend, at least in Texas. But how well do you know it? Take our quiz and find out.
1. The "Yellow Rose of Texas" was a nickname for:
a) Sam Houston's penis
b) Sam Houston's penis after his latest bout with syphilis
c) It's a sled
d) The woman who distracted Santa Anna as the battle began
2. The (seldom-heard) last verse of "Yellow Rose of Texas" says "We'll play the banjo gaily." Does that mean they'll play it like this?
b) Only if it involves poppers
c) No, jerk-off, "gaily" just meant "happily" back then
d) Sam Houston was gay?
3. Which of these things lasted longer than the Battle of San Jacinto?
a) Santa Anna's romp with the Yellow Rose
b) "Whipping Post" on The Allman Brothers at Fillmore East
c) A March Madness game that has 1:52 on the game clock
d) JFK's "Ask not" inaugural address
4. The Texans charged into battle yelling:
a) "Remember the Alamo!!"
b) "Remember how bad John Wayne's Alamo movie sucked!!"
c) "Remember how bad Dennis Quaid's Alamo movie really sucked!!"
d) "Remember where we parked!!"
5. Santa Anna shed his colorful uniform and tried to act like a normal soldier after the fight. A (pretty dumb) colleague called him "Mr. Presidente," thus alerting the Texans. How did they confirm his identity?
a) He was wearing silk underwear
b) He was wearing silk underwear that said "Yes is one of my favorite answers"
c) He had a fake Texas driver's license in his name from some Sharpstown strip-mall store
d) Googled him
6. Only one unit of troops in the Texas army wore actual designed uniforms. They were:
Remember the Alamo, and whoever designed these things.
a) The Montrose Volunteers
b) The Sam Houston Astros, who had a rainbow motif
c) The Men's Wearhouse Maulers, who guaranteed victory
d) The Kentucky Rifles