Brigitte Gabriel, Koran Hater: Check Out the Bible, Woman

Categories: Whatever

gabriel030811.jpg
The Bible is NOTHING like the Koran in terms of violence or subjugating women
Fans of fearmongering nutjobs must've creamed their pants over the New York Times' profile of Brigitte Gabriel, a self-described expert on global terrorism, and user of words like "Islamonazism."

Gabriel is the founder of Act! for America and author of They Must Be Stopped, which explains why the fairy tales in the Koran are inherently evil, unlike the fairy tales in the Bible or other religious books. But if you haven't had a chance to skim through the Koran, you will in September, when Gabriel plans on celebrating "Open-a-Koran Day," where Act! members will hunker down in front of "post offices, libraries, churches and synagogues and hand out leaflets selectively highlighting verses that appear to advocate violence, slavery and subjugation of women."

What, no incest? Well, either way, Hair Balls will be there, because there's nothing that we like better than a raunchy story. That's why we're big fans of the Bible (especially the Old Testament) and are eagerly looking forward to "Open a Bible Day" -- we even cobbled together some suggestions! (We cobbled them together after saying our morning Jewish prayer thanking God for not making us female or gentile. Amen, brother!).

1. Genesis 19: In order to save two angels, Lot offers his virgin daughters up to an angry crowd, so they can be gang-raped. Or, in biblical parlance, "gang-knowed." (Later, the daughters get the old man drunk and fuck him. Remember: This shit is taught in Sunday school).

2. Exodus 32: While Moses was at the top of Krakatoa or whatever mountain that was, chewing the fat with God, the Hebrews got impatient and for some reason decided to make, and pray to, a cow of gold. God didn't like this, so he ordered the Levites to slay about 1,000 of them. The moral of the story: God -- the Jewish/Christian one -- will maybe have you killed if you decide to pray to something else.

3. Numbers 31: Ever hear of the Midianites? Ever meet a dude who says he's a Midianite? That's probably because the Israelites, under orders from God, slaughtered the shit out of them. Well, slaughtered the shit out of men, children and any woman who ever had sex, anyway. The soldiers got to keep the virgin women. Sucks for the Midianites that they weren't the Chosen People.

4. Jeremiah 19: God orders Jeremiah to tell the infidels in Topheth that if they don't start heeding His word, He'll rename their town "The Valley of Slaughter" (much to the dismay of the Greater Topheth Chamber of Commerce) and turn them into cannibals.

That's just a smattering of the violence to infidels and subjugation of women we like to read in the Bible. And we're totally sure we took nothing out of context, or misinterpreted anything, or mistook a parable for a commandment, because, if there's one thing we've learned, it's that ancient religious scriptures are clearly written in a modern vernacular that everyone understands, are totally not open to interpretation and not susceptible to cherrypicking.

Besides, we're experts in global terrorism, so you can totally trust us.

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33 comments
Yousef
Yousef

Brigitte joins the ranks of a plethora of anti-Islam,anti-Muslim, anti-Quran bashers and hatemongers who are getting ultra-rich byexpounding their rabid hate in public, in churches and synagogues, and receivehigh pay by appearing on TV shows like likewise anti-Islam Bill O'Reilly. They becomeinstantaneous "experts" on the subject of "terrorism" andthen get richer by writing books that the near-minded and brain-blinded publicrushes to buy, in her case, "They Must Be Stopped".  As an American Arab andMuslim born in these so-called “enlightened” United States of America over seventyyears ago I have witnessed the hatred against Blacks, Chinese, Jews, Koreans, Vietnamese,Germans, Russians, Filipinos, Puerto Ricans, Polish, Italians, Irish and nowArabs and Muslims. Y Lebanese father used to say that Americans love to hate. There must always be a designated enemy to fear, vilify,demonize, and degrade. Who will be next? Hindus? Buddhists? And when the fullgamut of hatemongering is completed, who then? Jews again? Wasn’t this firebreathing, chest thumping, roll on the ground heel kicking get-rich-on-hateislamophobe not been caught lying? I dunno. Anyone? Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v... . Also watch her flimsy rabble about a crazed Muslim who decapitated his wife disregarding the tens of thousands of Christian Americans who have murdered their wives. To his credit, Bill Maher, no friend of Muslims, challenges her biased and bigotted views. An Arab saying "Oy vay"??? Yup. Oh! I also read this, and there's lots of stuiff like it out there. http://www.facebook.com/notes/...  This all speaks for itself and no further comment from me. Salaam to all those who have goodness in their hearts and the rest are irrelevant.

waxwoucher
waxwoucher

This one is interesting information.The Gabriel is the founder of Act and to develop principles that will allow people to forecast and even control events.The Philosophy of Gabriel is Act of interested in scientific discovery has a bearing as long as the fate of the people.

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Manxlucky
Manxlucky

Woman thou art loosed (whatever the fuck that means)

Sera
Sera

stupid ignorant people like her should not be writing books..

expert on terrorism? really? who reads her stuff anyways?

islam derives from the word salam, which literarily translates to "peace".. some extremists have screwed it up for the others who are living a peaceful happy life away from violence

Educate yourself before making judgments, it only makes you sound stupid, ignorant and uneducated.

Mark
Mark

Sorry it took me so long to reply! My hands were all cramped up from all the beheadings we did Sunday! Wow your right! Lets embrace the Muslims of peace! As they torture and kill women, gays and non-believers just like I did at Church Sunday! Wow I never knew how similar Muslims and Christians are! The Muslims love their enemies just like I do! That's why all the wars around the world have Baptists and Lutherans and Catholics sending tons of money to arm suicide bombers instead of aiding homeless shelters. Get real people!

Clembertin95
Clembertin95

Senor Malisow,

I'm so concerned about our national deficit that will sink us or enslave us to China. Naturally therefore, I'm curious whether the churches who spew these blue-man stories and fairy tales and us v them ideas...well, are they tax exempt? Do they pay taxes on their income?

I'm so happy that the Republicans have put forth a tax on the Girl Scouts and cookies and all, but shouldn't they also consider taxing churches as a source of revenue?

common sense
common sense

All the crap about religion of all kinds is just that. It's nothing more than some of the history of deviants and perverts, much like we have these days.

Awstandard1
Awstandard1

It seems that everything that you have quoted is from the Old Testament, "Distinguish the ages and the scriptures harmonize." Perhaps you have read that quote, on the other hand I doubt it. It was Augustine, an early Church Father. See oh simple one the Bible has been broken down into dispensations, of course your too ignorant to know this. After reading your spew You wouldn't even warrant a first year question at Seminary. If your going to counter , do yourself a favor, don't. I wont read it ....Adios

Early Cuyler
Early Cuyler

Arabtex:The point is, people who live in glass houses... Iget it, they should not throw stones. If you ask me, neither should men who may or may not have been cheated on, along with their entire village joining in and cheering it on...

Ted Stickles
Ted Stickles

Is it just me, or does she/he look amazingly like a tranny?

Abbey
Abbey

Interesting point of view. You continue to do what you're essentially condemning ACT's members and Brigitte Gabriel of...

Arabtex
Arabtex

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mr. Malisow! Short and sweet (or not so sweet). It's incredible the ignorance that permeates this society.

Gaaston
Gaaston

Education and religion are mutually exclusive, sorry.

Dumgum
Dumgum

Christians violent? Nah. Yugoslavia?

But on a less visible level, here's another example: the ban of condoms in countries that are experiencing sexually transmitted, lethal diseases. Read: Africa.

I think Christopher Hitchen's has expounded at length about what a scourge Mother Teresa is with some of her church-endorsed views.

Anwar21
Anwar21

Mark speaks from his heart: there has never been a Christian v Christian war. Just those of Christians defending themselves, behaving peacefully as is their wont.

H_e_x
H_e_x

I don't remember suicide bombers when I lived in Malaysia. Maybe I missed them. But hey, if painting everyone of a certain religion with a broad brush based on no facts makes you feel good, then have at it. Just don't expect anyone to respect you or your ignorant beliefs.

Fluerie23
Fluerie23

Yeah, the evangelical Christians would never terrorize doctors who perform abortions. They would never execute them for killing souls, right?

Bellfry1
Bellfry1

OK, AW, maybe these Philly priests were really 'with it' and they distinguished the scriptures according to the age they're living in. Do you defend them? Or do you condemn their modern interpretation of scripture?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03...

Guess they were just 'harmonizing' huh?

Ghingusfrmlwr
Ghingusfrmlwr

Good god, a seminary? A fricking seminary? A place where the assumption is that there really is a god who takes a personal interest in each of us, listens to our prayers and acts upon them...a seminary? Are you just kidding?

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin? There's the best of your seminary thinking. Adios, indeed, to this type of silliness.

Feckw
Feckw

OK, Awstandard1, you just go ahead: pick and choose the words from God that are real and which are fake.

Get back to us on that. And let us know too: what exactly authorizes you to edit Holy texts, and determine which passages are phoney baloney and which are to be taken seriously.

Arabtex
Arabtex

In the interim, how about sharpening those English grammar skills, Awstandard1?

Kagan23
Kagan23

Not quite the point Early, but welcome back, anyway.

RuhRoh
RuhRoh

Try to keep both hands on the keyboard now!

Arabtex
Arabtex

And what, exactly, is that?

H_e_x
H_e_x

South Dakota had to shelve a law making it ok to kill doctors who perform abortions. Gotta love the good old U.S. of A.

Fiorucci34
Fiorucci34

new Republican plan to raise money for that deficit reduction. silliness squared.

Abbey
Abbey

Well, if he's saying it's ignorant to call out supposed "evil" fairytales from the Koran, then isn't it also ignorant to call out "evil" things from the Bible? I'm not standing up for any kind of religion, I'm just sayin'. I obviously don't agree with Brigitte Gabriel or ACT! for what they're doing with the Koran. People should respect each other's religions, and move on.

H_e_x
H_e_x

I think you completely missed the point of this article.

Fluerie2
Fluerie2

Totally wrong response, Abbey, due to bad reasoning or just bad assumptions.

His point is to call out ALL religions for being full of fairy tales and reprehensible, violent-inducing stuff. There's no need to single out Islam. But in the current context of right-wing fear mongering about Islam, maybe this woman's step is merely political. She's certainly not wrong about the content of the Koran, but this exercise will be interpreted as by many as Islam=bad, while Chistian=good. *That* is bad, and plays into the traditional role of religion.

Finally, to your last wrong idea about how we all should just "respect each other's religion move on". I say bullshit. What is it about anyone's religion that we should respect? I mean, what? What can't we get in the 21st century that we can glean from these ancient religions? Religions that are so full of mixed-messages, hate, scientific ignorance, human misunderstanding and calls to violence.

Help me here...

Arabtex
Arabtex

The point of the article is that Gabriel, and so many other "experts in global terrorism", take verses from the Quran out of context. I would hardly call what Mr. Malisow is doing anything similar to what Gabriel is doing. It seems the point of Gabriel's rant is clearly what you have referred to in your comment above.

The point is, people who live in glass houses...

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