Five Last-Second Valentine's Day Gifts: Their Real Meaning

Categories: Whatever

True love, on the commute home
Almost done with the workday and it's time to head home. But of course you can't come home empty-handed on this day of all days.

So like a lot of guys, you'll be making a stop on the way home to pick up a little something. What you pick up may tell more about you than you think.

5. Box of chocolates
Oh, you're smooth. There is no way she will think this was picked up at Randalls while you were getting a 12-pack. Plus, you got the slightly more expensive stuff, so she will obviously think that you hired a chocolate consultant who showed you, over the course of months, a wide range of the world's finest offerings, before the both of you decided that this heart-shaped, slightly dented box best epitomized your love.

4. Drive-thru flowers
It's not being incredibly lazy, it's a matter of prioritizing your time so you can get home to your lady love. If a sagging handful of on-their-deathbed roses purchased from a grocery-store parking lot doesn't say romance, what does?

3. Hallmark card
Guys know one secret: Women actually read what is preprinted on the card, as opposed to just reading what the giver has written. So let Hallmark do the heavy lifting for you, fellas: Just sign it "What he said" and wait for your appreciative blowjob.

2. Gift card to Outback Steakhouse
Because "It's on the way home" translates to "You are my soulmate for life" in some language, we're sure.

1. Vermont Teddy Bear
To her, it says, "He actually thought about this ahead of time." To everyone else, it says, "Dude listens to sports-talk radio." What, no Pajama-Grams?

Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help

allright! I managed to drop by Randalls for a 12-pack of Coronas, figured I'd get a snazzy card from the Hallmark aisle, then turned to Ferrero Rochersfor a little aphrodisiac. I asked for $20 cash back at the register so I could get a 1/2 dozen roses from the tent in the parking lot. While I was waiting in line at the register for some inconsiderate lady to write a check, I grabbed a gift card for Outback, spot's right around the corner from her place and can't beat their bloomin onion! To top it off, I positioned a Teddy bear with the bouquet of roses in one arm, the card in the other, and the chocolates on his lap. Panty dropper1

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault