Rick Perry's "Emergencies": An Agenda Set by Tea Party Talk Radio

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Rick Perry: A Randolph Mantooth for our time
Another day, another Rick Perry "emergency": This time it's forcing women seeking abortions to have sonograms.

You are forgiven if you are a Texas resident -- wondering how the hell the state is going to fund education, critical social services, highways and perhaps, just perhaps, do even a little something about air pollution -- and you find yourself surprised to learn that abortion sonograms are an "emergency."

That's because Rick Perry's idea of an emergency seems to be "Whatever the Tea Party and talk radio tells me it is."

Let's look at what the governor has solemnly declared to be an emergency so far this year:

5. Abortion Sonograms
As we all know, Texas has fallen far, far behind compared to where other states' abortion laws should be, in that it has not yet required every woman seeking to terminate an early pregnancy without being forced to watch a state-funded custom-made 45-minute documentary entitled How I Really Met My Mother in which an incredibly cute-voiced narrator (an accomplished voiceover actor playing a six-year-old) recounts the joys of the first years of his or her life with the mother. State law will require women seeking abortions to provide pictures of themselves so that computers may more accurately come up with what the child will look like beyond the Cutest Thing Ever.

4. Voter ID
The Republicans enjoyed a massive, near-historic success at the polls in 2010. Obviously this means there was rampant voter fraud, especially in minority districts.

3. "Sanctuary Cities"
Believe it or not, there are dozens of Texas communities welcoming illegal aliens with open arms, declaring themselves to be "Sanctuary Cities," most of them featuring welcome signs that say "We Hate America." We have no idea where these cities might be, but they must exist, because Rick Perry not only says they do but the scourge is growing so fast it must be dealt with immediately.

2. Balancing the Federal Budget
This is an emergency because a) The nation demands to hear what Texas thinks about the federal government; and b) it will distract attention from Texas's gaping, massive budget gap.

1. Reforming Eminent Domain Issues
If there was one issue that was discussed ad nauseam in the 2010 election, it was eminent domain issues. At least in terms of rallies and Web sites where you'd see lots of "Don't Tread on Me" stuff, often spelled correctly.



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11 comments
Acolvin Geo
Acolvin Geo

Molly Ivans, we need you. Come back. Pleeeese.

money talk radio
money talk radio

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money talk radio
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Epramos01
Epramos01

HMMM..maybe Eric Mancow is Mantooth...Perry-wise, when Dem hockey hits proverbial fan, as with "shots for future hookers" yall all gonna be and Trans-Texas-Corridor to finish off These United States BEFORE New World Order's Zero Population Growth can doom Europe and the US to systematic over-run and Sharia Law for all.

Epramos01
Epramos01

Democrats should be ashamed if they do not like elected officials. After all, they shotgunned both their feet in 2008 and before that Texas-wise they ran a banker who apparently has $50 million from somewhere way South. If they wade too deeply, I doubt they know how to pour the water out of their boots...

Gaspar Ramsey
Gaspar Ramsey

Maybe it's time to split up the state, which we can do under the terms of our admission to the Union. (No, we can't secede--that fantasy was settled by the Civil War, Dick Perry, and it is technically treason to suggest it. Technically? No, actually. Our governor is treasonous.) Maybe Houston and Galveston should go their own way, something like Singapore, and take the refineries and ship channel with them. Dallas could set up its own banana republic, and cities like Dalhart and Amarillo could just wither away and die.

Gaspar Ramsey
Gaspar Ramsey

What does Texas need most? Obviously, there are plenty of budgetary problems, but the most glaring shortfall is that we desperately need the ability to recall elected officials. I would gladly go door to door to get signatures from people who might have sobered up since the general election.

H_e_x
H_e_x

Thank you, voters, for making this man governor again.Thank you, Republican legislators for wasting time and money on measures to gut schools, mental health care, and laws that assume women are too stupid to know what's best for them.

big red
big red

Wow, it is a good thing that they got the state counseling before marriage law through in the last session. How is that working out by the way? Seems to me that it is money foolishly spent, and perhaps they can zero it out due to the budget crisis.

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