Houston Rockets -- Chuck Hayes Needs To Ease Up

chuckhayes012711.jpg
Chuck Hayes, ripping off the dunk-seeking consumer
"He is as good as any defender in this league in the low post. I'm going to start talking to the coaches at the end of the year when they have the (All-NBA) defensive team. If he's not on one of the defensive teams, there's something wrong. ... He deserves the credit for it." -- Rockets coach Rick Adelman on Chuck Hayes

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Chuck Hayes may be a rock on the defensive end of the floor, a cerebral player who does all of the little things. A mucker, a grinder, not afraid to get his hands dirty. I get it.

I just want Chuck Hayes to give me my money back.

You see, like many others, I purchased Rockets tickets for Wednesday night for the sole purpose of seeing the Los Angeles Clippers rookie tour de force Blake Griffin record the next episode of his surely-being-assembled highlight DVD. In case you didn't know, Griffin is a beast, a fixture on SportsCenter, and the first compelling reason to watch the Clippers play since Keith Closs. (Go Google Image "Keith Closs" -- his hideousness will mesmerize you. Trust me.)

Observe....

The Rockets game against the Clippers was actually a sellout, so the tickets were not some six-dollar StubHub throwaways. It didn't matter -- whatever we paid, it would be worth it to watch the Blake Show.

We had seen what Griffin had done against teams with an actual presence on the interior. When Griffin finished with the Rockets, we thought, you'd need dental records to identify the remains.

And then a funny thing happened -- Chuck Hayes happened. To be clear, Chuck Hayes did what he does which is nudge, push and muscle Blake Griffin into acute offensive discomfort (We'll call it "AOD" for short, a Chuck Hayes-inflicted illness). If you're an NBA big, Chuck will never send your shot into the third row; he'll just become such an immovable nuisance that he ruins your night. You'll get your shots off, but it's never easy, and frustration builds upon frustration, and before you know it you're 5 for 16 from the field.

This is what happened to Blake Griffin (yes, 5 for 16 from the field) on Wednesday night, and frankly, Chuck, I'm pissed at you!

You couldn't have let Blake Griffin loose for maybe two or three (hell, one?) highlight-worthy play? This was too much to ask? You had to bring your "A" game on defense and try for the entire 38 minutes you played? What the hell is your problem, Chuck? An NBA player actually trying for 38 minutes? Clearly, you've been watching too much Duke film over at Shane Battier's house. I mean, why not just slap the floor with both hands before bodying up in the low post?

Nobody asked you to be a hero, Chuck. We just wanted to see Blake Griffin posterize a few of you. You couldn't have laid off him for one or two possessions and let him drop crotch on Luis Scola's or Chase Budinger's forehead? That's too much to ask? Don't you realize the league is never going to make a 100 Greatest Chuck Hayes Low-Post Shoves DVD, but Blake Griffin, on the other hand, is going to have an entire box set of dunks before the All-Star break?

And yet none of those dunks will be from last night at the Toyota Center, and it's all your fault, Chuck. Stingy defense, tireless effort, relentless rebounding...what kind of NBA player are you, Chuck?

Please, on behalf of those of us who are still too shallow to fully appreciate the things that you do, stop trying so damn hard, Chuck Hayes.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from noon to 3 p.m. weekdays and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
11 comments
PuddingTime
PuddingTime

Another Kentucky fan who would like to apologize to the good people of Houston in advance for some of our less intelligent fans. Great article. Chuck was a solid young man on and off the court during his time in Lexington, and it appears his hustle and determination followed him down to Houston. Glad to see you guys appreciate him just as much as we did. Again, sorry for "those fans." I'm sure there are some Rockets fans down there you guys could put in the same category.

Chris
Chris

As a UK fan, I would like to apologize for the moronic UK fans that posted below that obviously did not get the article.

Excellent write-up.

Jose Silva
Jose Silva

Im with you Seany, WHAT THE FUCK CHUCK? We didnt come to see you play relentless defense,rebound, take chargers, and hustle like a maniac. WE ALL CAME TO SEE BLAKE GRIFFIN YOU FOOL! I hope you are happy now chuck, after seeing all those dissapointed kids in the stands after the game. The you run up to them as if they want your autograph Chuckster? BLAKE MOTHAFUCKIN GRIFFIN FOOL!

ahem!
ahem!

They tried to make the 100 Greatest Chuck Hayes Low-Post Shoves DVD, but all they got was an 8 hour feed of Battier's hand in front of the camera.

Wildcat fever
Wildcat fever

get a grip u cry baby!!! most ppl would LOVE ta have a player that tries hard all the time!! get a life dude!!!!

Jason Bolton
Jason Bolton

Epic! As a lifelong Kentucky fan, and unabashed cheerleader of former Cats in the NBA, I can tell you that this is nothing new from Chuck. Maybe next time they come to town he will ask to come out for a few minutes so the fans can get their moneys worth, because he definitely won't go Randy Moss during the game. Great article man, an enjoyable read and I could hear your voice in my head as clearly as the day you won the first of those 5 Smack-offs.

Chad in Evansville
Chad in Evansville

Why so harsh on Chuck? Is it just because Chuck posed a matchup problem with Griffin? You are going to rag on your hometown player? You have NO IDEA what Chuck can do. He was one of my favorites when he was at Kentucky.

PatByrns
PatByrns

I join Chris. This post, and others like it are cited to show how stupid some fans are and it reflects on all of us who "get it".

ahem!
ahem!

Symptoms of wildcat fever?- Inability to grasp sarcasm- Lack of capitalization- Lots of exclamation points - Thinking "u", "ppl", and "ta" are words of the English language- Bitchassness.

sniffle sniffle.
sniffle sniffle.

Chad... you're so cute. I could see the anger in your face just bubbling over as you were reading this. hahahaha...

The Cablinasian was one of my favs on the Jim Rome Show.

hahahaha Your adorable Chad!

Earl in Klein
Earl in Klein

You have no concept of sarcasm, Chad in Evansville. You have NO IDEA what the Cablinasian can do.

Now Trending

Houston Concert Tickets

From the Vault

 

Loading...