NFL -- Bob McNair's Delusion, Twitter Madness And The Weekend's Best Bets

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Orange slices for the Texans!
"I wanted the team to know not only how close we think they are but how close our competitors think they are to being an outstanding team." -- Texans owner Bob McNair, presumably not being held at gunpoint nor under the influence of any drugs or alcohol

What Bob McNair didn't see was his "competitors" laughing and pointing at him as he walked away from those conversations. "Holy shit, I think he actually believed us!"

Apparently, other NFL owners (a fiercely competitive lot of elite businessmen) think that it's just super-dee-duper that the Texans were able to come back against the Ravens and tie the game. It didn't matter that the end result was another loss. They were just real impressed with the effort, and maybe even a little surprised that Bob McNair didn't take the team to Chuck E. Cheese after the game on Monday. Or give them participation ribbons.

Want some more McNair from yesterday afternoon? Well, here you go....

"The level of respect they have for our team and how close they think we are to having not just a good team but an outstanding team -- it was nice to hear your peer group say that about you."

Because we all like hearing nice things about ourselves, even if they're not true. Things like "I think Frank Bush is doing a great job with the defense" and "These kids did a lot of things really well, John."

And now the part that should chill every Texans fan to the bone....

"It's sort of an affirmation that we're on the right track. Clearly, we have to do better, because what we've done wasn't good enough. But we're on the right track, and I've felt that way all along."

We're fucked, people. Fucked.

Texans -1.5 over TITANS

It feels like just yesterday that Rusty Smith was playing catch with Glover Quin on a Sunday afternoon in Reliant. Both teams are 5-8, but the Titans are in the middle of a mini-mutiny over the Vince Young Situation (yep, it gets proper-noun status), and Jeff Fisher seems to have lost his team. Indeed, in the pissing match that is VY vs Fisher, VY appears to be winning ("All he does is win!"). The Texans meanwhile enter the annual sweet spot of their schedule -- meaningless games in December designed to save Gary Kubiak's job, nothing more, nothing less. They're due.

COWBOYS -6.5 over Redskins

Of course, the Titans locker room split over Vince Young looks like a Tupperware party compared to what's probably going on the Redskins locker room. The Shanahans have decided to go with Rex Grossman throwing the ball as far as he can instead of Donovan McNabb this weekend against the Cowboys. Of course, as of this morning, no one had told McNabb, so there's as good a chance that he's finding out reading this blog post as there is that the Shanahans have broken the news to him in person. (And yes, if you follow me on this one, you are laying nearly a touchdown with Jon Kitna. Welcome to the dark side.)

Eagles +3 over GIANTS

In case you missed it, yesterday there was an inadvertent Twitter hoax indicating Morgan Freeman had passed away. Apparently, a tweeter named @originialcjizzle tweeted the following:

RT @CNN: Breaking News: actor Morgan Freeman has passed away in his Burbank home<< wow legendary actor #RIPmorganfreeman.

The news spread like a wildfire, and once they found out, Freeman's people quickly made everyone aware that Freeman was very much alive. So basically, some clown named @originalcjizzle, with a fake re-tweet of CNN, got his fifteen minutes of fame. A few observations:

1. How does this not happen more often? Twitter, specifically re-tweeting (for the non-Twitter indoctrinated, a re-tweet is just the act of re-sending a tweet that you've seen online to all of your followers), is not exactly the most secure act. If someone wants to make up a rumor that, say, Gary Kubiak was spotted slashing Bob McNair's tires in the Reliant parking lot and make it look like it was being reported by ESPN, it would be very easy to do:

"RT @ESPNSportscenter - Holy shit, Gary Kubiak seen slashing McNair's tires. He's for sure getting fired NOW!! He has to!!! #battlefight"

2. @originalcjizzle apparently likes to call people "jive turkeys." Somewhere Aunt Esther from Sanford and Son approves.

3. For anyone thinking that hoax generation is an easy ticket to multitudes of new followers, just know that @originalcjizzle has 1,600 followers, a respectable amount, but I don't think Ashton Kutcher is sweating C-Jizz catching him any time soon.

4. I am using this Morgan Freeman story as part of my Eagles pick because Michael Vick appears to have crawled through 500 yards of shit smelling foulness the likes of which we can't even imagine. For now.

Falcons -6 over SEAHAWKS

Battle of two feathered creatures gives me a chance to post the Angry Birds peace treaty video! Yes!

I'm predicting the Falcons will be angrier.

PATRIOTS -whatever the number is over Packers

The game is off the board right now because until today the Packers quarterback situation was still up in the air. However, it appears that Packers coach Mike McCarthy has decided to sit Aaron Rodgers and his concussed head and go with Matt Flynn. MATT FLYNN. They can't make this line high enough.

Bears/Vikings UNDER whatever the total ends up being

The second game still off the board is the Monday night game between the Bears and the Vikings, which will apparently be played in TCF Field on the campus of the University of Minnesota. In case you didn't know, TCF is an outdoor stadium. (Unlike the Metrodome, which just became an outdoor stadium five days ago, TCF has been outdoors since inception.) The league was initially concerned with seating capacity, what with the Vikings having 54,000 season ticket holders and TCF only holding 50,000. What the league failed to take into account is that even pasty, quasi-Eskimo-like Minnesotans don't want to sit in subzero weather to watch Patrick Ramsey quarterback their team -- especially when they can't drink! That's right, no alcohol sales in the stadium, and no alcohol allowed outside the stadium. Honestly, they should be handing out fifths of Jack Daniel's to anyone who decides to attend this deep freeze in person. Anyway, there is no posted total for this game, so I'm going to assume that a game played in Hoth-like conditions on a surface that may as well be a parking lot (and possible involving Ramsey) will go under the total, whatever it is.

Last week: 3-3
Season Record: 50-33-1

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the "Sean & John Show" and follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/SeanCablinasian.



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