The 12 Really Most Annoying Things About Christmas Shopping

Categories: Whatever

paulmccartney-wonderfulchristmastimecover.jpg
And we didn't even mention THIS
It's getting to crunch time.

You gotta buy gifts. You could do it online, but no, you want to get into the spirit of things and mingle with your fellow revelers.

You will regret this decision.

We asked you to give us examples of what you find most annoying about Christmas, and you came through. We added some of our own.

12. From Miranda Enzor: "Having to hear that damn Mariah Carey song EVERWHERE. I. GO."
We have mastered the art of tuning out things we wish to ignore, and Christmas Muzak is certainly one of those things, along with Sean Hannity. So we blissfully plead ignorance of whatever this song is, but you had us at "Mariah Carey."

11. The people who use store employees as personal shoppers
Yes, your Christmas shopping is much, much more important than anyone else's. And it's all so confusing! So it's best to just latch onto a store employee and have him walk you around the entire store finding the things on your list, and then subjecting him to a 23-minute discussion on the relative merits of each item, as compared to another item sitting next to it. Because really, there's no one else in the place who's looking to get a simple question answered.

10. Yes, dammit, I'm paying by check
And I'm completely surprised by the fact that I am required to pull out a check, write on it and give ID. I've just been so fascinated by watching this big line grow behind me as the cashier totals up my stuff that I didn't think to begin the process until she asks me. Oh, and I don't have a pen.

9. From Terri Towers: "People who can't drive come out of their houses once a year to shop. Extra idiots on the road!"
Now come on, when you only drive once a year, you want to savor the experience, mostly by driving 20 percent under whatever the speed limit is, keeping your blinker on at all times except turning, and paying no attention to the drivers who are finally getting to pass you, their middle fingers kept out of site only because it's Christmas.

8. The parking-lot pain in the ass
Cruising ever so slowly up and down the lanes, looking for that perfect spot, with "perfect" meaning "I don't have to walk more than 75 feet." Noted mostly for his or her ability to latch onto anyone exiting a store and follow them, two feet behind, to whatever car they're going to, only to give up in disgust and speed on by when the 75-foot limit is breached.

7. The "just putting stuff in the trunk" guy
Yeah, everyone has a little bit of Parking Lot Pain in the Ass to him. So if you've been looking for a spot for-fucking-ever, and the bundle-hauling dude strolling in front of your car stops and pops open the trunk on a car, you are slamming on the brakes. And smugly looking down on all the other putzes still looking for a space. Until, that is, the dude slams the trunk closed after depositing his packages, and goes back for more shopping.

6. Baby strollers
At some point in the fairly recent past, it was decreed that all baby strollers must be the size of Hummers. We wish we had heard about the legislation when it was still pending, because we would have lobbied against it.

5. From Becci Himes: "Never enough check out clerks"
See, this just stems from a simple misunderstanding. Unstaffed checkout lanes have an aesthetic purpose, not a practical one. All that emptiness, aching to be filled, is symbolic of mankind's vain, doomed hope...to ever get out of the Target.

4. Cell phone users describing clothing to someone
Loudly, of course. Seeking advice as to whether someone will like it. "It's blue, but not a real bluey blue, you know? No, more blue than that. More like that shirt Bob wore at Cancun...."

3. The person clutching the coupon flyer
It's Christmas. Do you really think anything in that flyer is still going to be in stock? So don't take up the aisle looking behind every item trying to find one.

2. From Carlene Gaharan Elliott: "People are my biggest pet peeve. Just people. I do all my shopping online."
We're starting to think you're right. Especially when we read this next one...

1. From Stayce Van Buren: "Having a man pull a gun on me because he wanted the parking spot I got to first... So lack of any parking at the Galleria! Not so cool!"
Her follow-up post: "P.s. Gun man won the rare spot btw".


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