Derek Anderson Tirade -- He Isn't A Punk Ass Bitch, But He Sure Is Angry (w/ video)

Derek Anderson: Crown his ass as The King of Comedy
Who knew it could be so much fun calling someone a punk ass bitch? Certainly not me. But you've all climbed aboard the Cortland Bitcheggan pain train and have turned "punk ass bitch" catcalling into an Olympic sport.

So I'm going to let that marinate for one more day. Feel free to go to yesterday's post (appropriately entitled "Cortland Finnegan Is A Punk Ass Bitch") and continue to joust with random Titan fans that choose to show themselves. Do it, it's very liberating.

In the meantime, we have Arizona Cardinals quarterback Derek Anderson's tirade to dig into for a few paragraphs. In case you missed it, apparently during the waning moments of a 27-6 loss on Monday Night Football last night, the cameras caught Anderon laughing and smiling in a conversation with offensive lineman Deuce Lutui. After the game, Anderson was pressed by a member of the local media as to what was so funny.

The video....

My Derek Anderson Tirade thoughts...

1. I love the Houston Texans. They are a workmanlike team that puts their nose to the grindstone and they are collectively careful to always say the right thing. The downside is...well...they're always careful to say the right thing. I'm in my fourth season covering the team and we haven't had a single legendary post-game blow up, nothing even close to being "broadcast in cities other than Houston"-worthy. (The only thing even remotely close was a couple seasons ago when Travis Johnson basically said then-Chiefs quarterback Trent Green deserved to have his brains scrambled on an attempted cut block; five minutes later, Johnson was walked back into the locker room by the Texans' media relations team looking like he'd just been given a lobotomy and apologized to everyone with the vacant look of a seventh-grader bored in study hall.)

Basically, what I'm saying is we need one of these in Houston. Bernard Pollard is the easy chalk to get us one before the season is over, a solid -1000 pick on the board. Matt Turk is the biggest longshot at +1 gajillion. I don't even know if Turk speaks English.

2. I think the whole "cameras caught him on the sideline" thing begs the question, who the fuck was actually watching this atrocity (in the first quarter, let alone the fourth quarter) to rat out Anderson? I mean, isn't this a "tree falling in the woods" situation? If "Derek Anderson laughs on the sidelines and no one is watching, then don't the Cardinals still suck donkey balls anyway?"

3. Derek Anderson is a mash-up between Brent Barry's doppelganger and John Rocker's voice box, complete with colorful language!

4. I'll tell you the exact moment the Cardinals season ended -- the very first time that Derek Anderson slipped on that pink polo shirt as member of the team. Season over. Done. Kaboom.

5. If I had to apply a grade to Anderson's tirade versus the famous tirade of former Cardinals coach Dennis Green, I would say that Anderson gets a solid B+ on the strength of his use of profanity and his blatant lying that he wasn't laughing on the sidelines (minus points for the shirt that looks like it was fished out of a dish of spumoni ice cream). I'd give Green an A- on its overall solid content, nothing bad about it at all, and bonus points for almost knocking the microphone off the podium when he yelled "THEN CROWN THEIR ASS!!"

And to think in Houston, we're still just waiting for Matt Schaub to say something interesting.

Listen to Sean Pendergast on 1560 The Game from 3-7 p.m. weekdays on the "Sean & John Show" and follow him on Twitter at

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