5 Reasons Houston Should Be A World Cup Site
|Nottingham 2018? Dream on, dudes|
Obviously, we think it should. We love our soccer here.
But if FIFA needs a list of reasons, we'll give them five:
1. It's not til 2018: Surely the climate-change problem will be solved by then
Yes, Houston can get a little hot, you might have heard. And you might think that this whole "global warming" thing might make things worse. But we're sure Republicans and Democrats can work together to solve this problem for the greater good by 2016, at least, so no worries.
2. We love our foreigners here
As long as they have their papers and all, we mean. Yes, you might be saying to youself "Zut alors!! Zee Texas legislature meets many times between then and now!!" And of course you'd be imagining the elected officials in Austin trying to out-Arizona each other. But this is the new Texas. Bill White's upset win this fall will usher in an age of open arms and a nuanced acceptance of the pluses and minuses of illegal immigration.
3. We have won soccer titles here
The Dynamo won not only one, but two Major League Soccer championships!! Major League Soccer? You know, the big league here in America? Why are you laughing, FIFA?
4. By 2018, we will have an extensive light-rail system that will knock your socks off
Okay, by 2022, for sure. We mean, you gotta see the diagrams and artist's renderings on these things -- it's spectacular. We see no reason at all why the plans won't be implemented as scheduled.
5. By 2018, we'll still be waiting for the Texans to make the playoffs
It will have been a bit of a rough start to the franchise by then, and the hiring of Gary Kubiak Jr's son from the Broncos won't exactly be lighting as much fire as The Ghost of Bob McNair might hope. So Houston will be desperate for a distraction. What's that? The Astros? Now it's our turn to laugh, FIFA.