I Wanna Be Your Dog (Or Cat): Back To School Edition
School's only been in session for two days, yet some teachers are already piling on the homework. This isn't a huge deal for home-schooled kids, who pretty just much have to memorize which animals God created on which day, but it can be a real pain in the neck for those in public school.
The dogs in Miss Barkington's class at Houston's Bureau of Animal Regulation and Care -- all of whom are available for adoption -- had to write a one-page essay on what they did over summer vacation. Here are some excerpts.
|Photos by Robyn Arouty|
For my summer vacation, I fulfilled a life-long dream of seeing the mighty redwoods in northern California. I walked for hours through Los Padres National Forest, gazing in awe at the majestic sequoias. I got goosebumps as I stared up at 380 feet of coastal redwood, feeling tears well up behind closed eyes as I imagined the history behind this miracle of nature. Then I peed on it.
My summer vacation wasn't anything special. Typical stuff - dug a few holes, sniffed a couple crotches, growled at a cat. One day, I chased my tail for six hours straight. Man, I gotta get a life.
I spent my summer vacation wondering why my owner surrendered me. I'm not kidding -- I actually had a brainstorming session where I wrote "Reasons Why My Owner Would Give Me Up" on a dry-erase board, but I got positively stumped after Reason Number 1, which was "Because he's a huge douchebag."
spent my summer vacation waiting for my man, with $26 in my hand. Went up to Lexington, 125. Felt sick and dirty, more dead than alive. Oh, wait -- that wasn't me. That was Lou Reed. Never mind. I went to Disneyworld.
I just got neutered, so I spent three months missing my balls.
For my summer vacation, I started work on a screenplay, tentatively titled
Kicked to the Curb: The Shadow Story. It opens with my owner, to be
played by Hayden Christensen, cowering like a little bitch as his landlord, to be played by Mel Gibson after a few martinis, tells him he needs to get rid of me, to be played by the dog who played Air Bud. Instead of standing up for himself, finding a new place to live, or placing the dog somewhere he's not likely to get the needle, the owner wets his pants and takes the dog to the pound. Later, the dog escapes with the help of the A-Team and kicks his former owner's ass. It needs a little work, but that's basically chapter one.
I spent all summer trying to get out of this ridiculous bandana.
Thanks again to the inimitable Robyn Arouty, whose photos bring out the best in these beauties. You know you want to adopt one. Now get to it!