Michelle Thomas: Scissors-Wielding East Texas Woman Strikes Blow For Horny, Disappointed Women

Categories: Crime
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Photo courtesy Angelina County
You better bring it strong if you're bedding Michelle Thomas
To look at the mugshot of 26-year-old Michelle Thomas, you might not think you were seeing someone who was facing a possible two- to 20-year prison sentence for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Nope. Instead, the native of the East Texas town of Hudson looks like she might be thinking, "Yeah, y'all might have me locked up, but it was so totally worth it."

"It" in this case is the alleged scissors-slashing of her common-law husband, who police found in the couple's home in the wee hours of Tuesday morning bleeding from minor cuts to his chest, left thumb and left knee.


Thomas said the unnamed hubby had come home drunk and tried to rough her up and that she had only defended herself. But she had no visible injuries, so that seemed unlikely.

The police found the husband's tale far more believable, likely because the husband was so willing to cast himself in such an unfavorable light, his story just had to be true.

Namely, he said Thomas had slashed him with scissors for being a lousy lay.

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And that's why Michelle Thomas looks like the cat who ate the canary. She knows she's a hero to women everywhere, a vindicator to all those who endured stinky whiskey-dicked drunks shooting pool with a rope, rolling over and sinking into snore-land without so much as an apology.

Or maybe she's just kinda high-strung. We do know we're glad we never shared an off-night with her.

Thomas was being held in the Angelina County Jail as of yesterday morning.

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