Game Time: Disillusioned By UFC 112? Check Out My New MMA Company!
Therefore, it comes as very little surprise that I did not carve out a sunny Saturday afternoon to watch UFC 112. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had just to see what all of the fuss was about. Most of it consisted of MMA purists skewering Anderson Silva for acting like a fool and disrespecting the sport in his title bout with Demian Maia, followed by UFC chief honcho Dana White expressing regret, embarrassment, and anger over Silva's antics after the fight was over, punctuated by the unprecedented move of White up and leaving in the middle of the fight out of disgust.
To listen to White after the card was over, you could tell that this was terrible for the sport, and in many ways, bad for business. For one thing, in an economy where many people's discretional pay-per-view dollars are spread over boxing, MMA, and professional wrestling, you can't have customers dropping fifty or sixty bucks on an event that doesn't pay off in the end, so to speak. Sure, you're going to have main events that disappoint because one guy overwhelms another, but to have a train wreck of a main event because one of the competitors is acting like a kindergartner is inexcusable. This, frankly, is an advantage pro wrestling has in that they script their shows so there can be a beginning, a middle, and a big finish. It doesn't always work for them either, but it is something they have control over.
Also, you could tell White had been looking forward to doing this event overseas in Abu Dhabi, and antics like Silva's can kill a market. I've held a UFC ticket in my hand before; seats that are so-so go for several hundred dollars face value. How inclined are people in that area going to be to spend money to see a UFC event live again?
Straight up, UFC can be an expensive sport to watch, unless you have a favorite bar that gets the pay-per-views (and even then if you go with Kyle Manthey you end up spending over a hundred dollars on shots and beers!). So in this economy, if you need an outlet to get your "fight on" and watch a couple people beat the piss out of each other...well, thank God for YouTube!! (No seriously, thank Him for it right now....I do every day!)
To that end, I've assembled my dream card of fights from the hit series The Sopranos complete with embedded video, so the next time that UFC puts on an event where the potential outcome smells like fifty, sixty or several hundred bucks wasted, you can just bookmark this link and roll through all fifteen -- that's right, FIFTEEN!! -- of these great bouts. Put it on the big screen, get some popcorn, create a playlist, and oh yeah...INVITE ME OVER!!!
Here we go... DING DING DING!!!
Season 4, Episode 10 - "The Strong, Silent Type"
PREVIEW: Every good wrestling card starts off with some sort of multi-performer match -- Money in the Bank Ladder Match, Battle Royal, Gauntlet Match -- so we start the card off with an opener where Chrissy needs to fight off five of his fellow mobsters when he gets high-handed during an intervention for his drug use.
EUGENE PONTECORVO vs LITTLE PAULIE
SNAPPLE TO THE HEAD MATCH
STIPULATIONS: Winner is the one who can crack a Snapple bottle over his opponent's head first
Season 5, Episode 9 - "Unidentifed Black Males"
PREVIEW: Every good supercard needs some bouts underneath about a couple people no one really cares about, if for no other reason than to give you an opening to take a leak or buy popcorn. This one is pretty entertaining.
CHRISSY vs YO YO MENDES
STREET CORNER MATCH
STIPULATIONS: Winner gets to keep drug take from street corner
Season 1, Episode 4 - "Meadowlands"
PREVIEW: Uncle Junior and Tony are feuding big time at this point in the show, including Junior trying to take over all of the drug action on the Newark street corners. Chrissy wants to take it back. Yo Yo Mendes gets the worst of it.
PAULIE WALNUTS vs FEECH LaMANNA'S NEPHEW
PULL DUDE OUT OF TREE MATCH
STIPULATIONS: Winner is first one to pull his opponent out of a tree and steal his lawn mower
Season 5, Episode 3 - "Where's Johnny?"
PREVIEW: As you'll see with many of these fights, the issue is either somebody insulting someone else or someone moving on another dude's turf. This is the latter. Feech LaManna takes over the landscaping business on one side of town, Paulie goes to bat for the guy whose turf it used to be by pulling dudes out of fifty-foot high trees. Welcome to North Jersey!
JOHNNY SACK vs DONNY K
STIPULATIONS: Winner gets to piss on the loser's head
Season 4, Episode 4 - "The Weight"
PREVIEW: This match was set up by a joke Ralph Cifaretto made about Ginny Sack (wife of then New York underboss, Johnny Sack) and a 95-pound mole being removed from her ass. Donny K (a Ralphie soldier) made the mistake of laughing near Johnny Sack in a bar during a conversation that didn't involve Johnny a couple weeks after the joke. So naturally, Johnny wants to beat the piss out of him...and then piss on him....